Tiers of Fears: All it Takes is a Twinkle in the Eye

Have you ever imagined the moment of your own conception?

A vision of the shadowy figures of my parents’ former selves — the thought of my beginning is twinkling only in the blush of narcissism and smile I feel when thinking of the cleverness of being alive.

Perhaps you think of your own origin story and feel a similar dissociation with the trite and patronizing emblem of the twinkle in your father’s eye.

Why, then, does the myth of bravado as creation endure? The celebration of the twinkling male eye? Slap dash masculinity in place of planning, in place of merit, in place of genuine ingenuity, in place of logic, and especially in place of humility and respect?

Last week, as I made my way down the hall to the lounge at codey-bootcamp-land, I overheard a phrase I’ve heard so many times in life, in so many words:

“All it takes to get a job is a twinkle in the eye”

Internal processes went off, thoughts on thoughts on thoughts:

I wonder if I really will have a better chance at landing a job if my eyes twinkle extra hard during an interview?

Do charismatic men get offered jobs more often than shy guys?

Does eye twinkle reception have a race or gender bias?

What about gendequeerdos like me, do their eye twinkles have the same effect as woman eye twinkles? What effect do woman eye twinkles have? Which kind of twinkling eye is most likely to land a job?

If eye twinkles are in reference to the adage about twinkles in fathers’ eyes, do people count the twinkles in the eyes of people who do not pass or do not identify as men as really real twinkles? Or do people just think of them as not really real eye twinkles, that can’t really produce real results?

Are eye twinkles filled with intelligence and possibility? Are they magic, and mean only good things, like really awesome code? Is that why it takes only a twinkle to get hired?

Is that really what it takes to land a job in web development?

For three short weeks I have inhabited codey-bootcamp-land, living the reality of being a smart, outspoken leader who is not a man. If I were to base my opinion of coding entirely on that experience, I would run for the hills and tell the tech world to go cradle its wilted ego.

The social and academic dynamic of my coding course, in which only three — including myself — of seventeen students are women, is juvenile at best. Remember middle school?

Countless times my and others’ voices, suggestions, and questions have been drowned out by the rowdy shouting, joking, and ridicule of young men, overeager to assert their own superiority by taking up as much space as possible, eliminating contradiction at its source. In this type of environment, respect is an afterthought, a paltry apologetic token you may receive if you stick it out long enough to prove you can take being ignored, passed over, and pass GO. In this space, being less loud feels lesser.

If all it takes to land that job, connect with that person, win that argument, is a twinkle in the bloody eye, then many, many people will never measure up.

I know that a certain kind of person will always expect me to achieve less, because that belief is written into their very understanding of who I am. Generally speaking, I have a healthy disdain and apathy for anyone who would automatically judge me in this way.

Yet, being surrounded day in, day out by some people who refuse to believe that I have solved a problem, understood a concept, or discovered a bug amounts to a level of invalidation even I find hard to cope with. The response I seem to inspire in certain people amounts to this:

Be damned if you think the twinkle in your eye has the value of the twinkle in the eye of the charming man, or any man, for that matter.

I, however, am very stubborn. I’ll keep on keeping on as long as I can subvert the paradigm.

If your comments are overlooked, don’t assume you have nothing to contribute or are not a leader. Rather assume an unconscious assumption has kicked in. If you agree with what a woman might be offering to the discussion, don’t tell her at the water cooler. Speak up and stand beside her and giving her credit. If someone takes your idea and claims it as their own, do as one woman scientist who did research on cancer told me. Tell that person, “Thanks, I’m so glad you love my idea!”