“seven assorted-brand soda cans” by Jonny Caspari on Unsplash

Diet Sprite And Sports

Ethan Icewinging
Sep 5, 2018 · 2 min read

Today, as I walked out of my high school’s weight-lifting room, I passed a drink vending machine. I was thirsty, and I had 5 dollars in my backpack. And I wanted to get something.

Two options really appealed to me: Sprite Zero, and a Smartwater. I decided to go with the diet sprite, just for today. It would be refreshing, I thought.

For some reason, and I really don’t know why, this inspired me to write about my life involving sports. I’ve done basketball, soccer, tennis, track, and now wrestling and cross country in the past year. Lots of sports. But I never really wanted to do better until the past year.

It’s been a tough journey, but it really did have some big dividends. Wrestling started a journey that has seen me lose over 100 pounds. It amazes me every day that I weighed 263 pounds just last November, and now I stand at 158.

And wrestling absolutely did start the journey, because it inspired me to lose more after I found out I had lost 10 pounds without even knowing. But it also ate at my insides every single day for three months.

I lost every single match that I had, and internally I was beating myself up for it. It was all I could think about, and yet I was always the loser. And these people that I faced, wrestling was just a minor hobby to them. I would spend nights thinking about my losses and how much of a loser I felt.

Unfortunately, this isn’t going to be the point where I started giving myself mental pep talks and mopping the floor with my enemies. It just stayed at that dull, depressing haze until the end. I just couldn’t find the energy or strength or willpower or reason to keep going in the match, and I gave up. I hated myself, and yet I couldn’t get out of the comfort zone. It was mentally impossible.

Now, about six months later, I find myself on a declining slope in my new sport, Cross Country. My time has even increased since the start of the season only three weeks ago (How has it only been three weeks?) I don’t want or like to be a whiner, but I’ve sort of been playing the card with people, saying how hard it is to keep going. It’s just so exhausting in the moment. I want to quit. How much more time?

That’s my worst demon right now, and it will be one of the worst demons I am going to face in my life.

I don’t want to be a clique blogger, but how do you push yourself?

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