And I would say she was right; I, like many other women are coming to realize, am not ready to see myself as beneath anyone, rather as an equal who has her own part to play, as he has his. I am not ready to make allowances for my partner to disrespect himself, his body, our family, and a union we should both equally value; I am not ready to forgive a man for things he would never forgive me for. I am not ready to disappear behind the veil of Mrs, existing only as a former shadow of self, wrapping my existence and fulfillment up in a man. I am bored of being expected to pray, fast, shuck and jive to keep a man who isn’t working hard to be kept. I am not willing to put up or shut up; and so it makes sense that I am not ready for the sort of marriage that a lot of African women have been roped into, or have settled for.