“Queda Mucho Por Vivir” — There’s still a lot of life ahead

One of the bravest things life taught me to do is to let go of things when these are doing great.

Sometimes what gets you stuck are not the bad moments, how you would imagine, but the moments when life is gifted with abundance, when you “wish time would stop” .

You might have felt that way before. It gets you wishing to stay longer, trying to delay the end of something which wasn’t meant to be but a small sample of the awesome things your life would bring.

In common words, you could call it attachment, or fear of losing. A buddhist saying states that, of 3 things you gotta learn in life, one is “to let go, gracefully, of the things that weren’t meant to you”.

This feeling today reminded me of a song I used to listen to, everyday, before Malaysia (it’s in spanish :P). It says “there’s still a lot to be lived”.

I usually remember moving to Malaysia as a first traumatic, then explosively serendipitous journey which opened doors to who I am today.

But listening to these songs today, I got transported back to my 24-year-old self in Argentina, to my feelings before I moved to Kuala Lumpur. And the memories told me that serendipity started before. Way before KL. I just didn’t know how to name it.

The song made me miss the bravery I had at that moment: of leaving that place while it was summer.

It reminded of me cycling through the streets of Buenos Aires, going to work at an early stage educational startup which I loved working for (we even talked about me joining as a co-founder, but no: because Malaysia). I got reminded of numerous opportunities in educational institutions on entrepreneurship, accelerators, but… I had just quit a job at one of the best accelerators in Argentina and Latin America.

I actually cried shitloads when my visa finally got approved to Malaysia. Still, I had to leave. But I didn’t know why.

Thought of giving up, life was so bright, warm and full of colors back in Buenos Aires. I loved every bit of it and it was so painful to let it go. Just that I knew I had to. Not for need, opportunity nor fear. I had to trust this deep gut calling that I just had to leave.

I still admire that 24 year old me. I feel my current version still got something to learn from her.

Now it feels like that girl who left Buenos Aires is back. She left Buenos Aires, humbled to start over from new beginnings, running away from nothing, but believing in a better version of myself.

Over the years in Malaysia (which are not many, but were intense), I accumulated stuff. Physical, emotional and virtual stuff. An ancient navigation telescope, new Yamaha flutes. A Vinyl player, an Olivetti typewriter. A lovely room, in which walls I painted the skyline of KL. Lovely friends to live with. Endless potential of communities to build.

Each lovely thing or moment makes me love my live so hard, but these also make it hard for me to leave it. One must be humble to accept and trust the call for change.

Every time you get attached to something, you may get your hands busy to accept new toys that Life may wanna gift to you.

And that girl is back again. Now. Yet I don’t know why. But she’s back.

And when she’s here, my things will sure be moved around.

This time, I’m feeling guilty about that gypsy need.

As if people would get disappointed at me, and the least thing I want is to disappoint people who I love and who expect me to stay.

But it’s never about not loving, not wanting to stay. It’s rather about knowing there’s something else around the corner which I gotta go for. This feeling brought me to Malaysia, to start with.

I would like to believe that I can grow new hands, maybe a team, rather than giving up on the past every time I need to move on.

Get people to move on with me, moving along, not behind.

This time around, moving won’t be the same: I want to preserve some things, not keep it. It’s different. Things will change, but will keep moving on without me by the hands of new, more capable people.

But to a certain extent, the exercise of moving on is always one of letting go. You can’t take it all on your luggage. Metaphorically speaking, there are things you keep, others you donate or find people to take care of.

I am in the moment of being grateful, but moving on.

Change is overdue, actually.

“Queda mucho por vivir”. There’s a whole lot of life ahead. And once in a while, I get those blessed moments where life forces me to get rid of my bag of fears, guilts and memories of defeat and pulls me to move on.

It maybe doesn’t include moving out of Malaysia. Moving it’s not always a physical thing.

This feeling just tells me there’s more to live. It comes with hope. Not because things are bad. Because “there’s still a lot of life ahead”.

I am still learning to carry my luggage as I move on — as I’m sure, in each moving, I might lose stuff. Leave some things behind. Eventually, I will even forget of those possessions (physical or not) I cared so much about.

Other things will gain its’ own life and, eventually, forget that I had started it. For some, I will develop more hands to hold it, a team.

Whatever stuff I may try to keep now, this willingness of keeping isn’t stronger than the need of moving on.

I would rather leave some stuff behind, to never find it, than miss out of what life is really about. I think that’s bravery.

There’s still a lot to live.

And if you can relate to that…

Hold strong to you core, keep your clarity and stay honest to your truth. Bravery to let go of (even) the good things. And that’s about all you need.