I remember these exact days last year.
Everything was hard except tears. Tears were easy.
I used to shed tears when I was stressed, when I was overwhelmed doing my graduation exams. I remember I shed tears when I was alone and when I was unable to comprehend the world.
I even shed tears when I was happy.
My eyes were always ready to let all this heaviness within me out.
My eyes were not vulnerable neither was I. But I found console in crying.
Now, everything is easy except tears. Tears are difficult.
When I knew that my aunt has died I could not cry.
I have many poor relationships and it is OK.
I am shutting down every person who tries to get closer to me, well guarding my castle. but not one single tear.
What strikes me is my ability to hold back my emotions, not to be responsive to the joy and sadness equally. What terrifies me is this carelessness and coldness and I am so badly getting used to it..