There’s something going on with plaids.
Plaids are a wardrobe staple. Ubiquitous with “cool guys” and “chill dudes” in every film and band we grew up with, plaids are a go-to.
The problem is: plaids are bullshit.
If I close my eyes and count the plaids I actively enjoy wearing, I have two. Max. Out of fifteen.
Buying plaids is rigged
If I need a plaid to wear to a party, I’ll browse Forever 21. Then H&M. After a few more stores, I become rushed. I know I need a new pattern because my girlfriend has put up with my other shitty plaids far too long. I grab the least terrible one I can find. Congratulations to myself for owning another plaid I’ll soon come to hate.
Why are plaids so bad?
Who designs a plaid? Most patterns make you want to convulse, or worse: wear loose-fit jeans. Is there a Committee of Dads focus group that mandates bad plaid? Can we stop listening to them?
I have never entered a store and loved a majority of the plaids. When I find one I like, I can’t possibly afford it and realize I’m drooling at the window display of a speciality Ralph Lauren store.
For the $495, do I get his jawline, too?
God damn it, plaids are bullshit.
Total shocker: every online store has shit plaids, too.
BRB, on my way to bible study.
Even the model wants to take it off.
Apple picking it is, I guess.
They rep Target’s Merona brand pretty hard.
Does it come with a spoon to dig out my eyes?
Target knows my mom will probably buy this for me, so they want to attract her attention, not mine. So “cute” works better than “actually good.”
I want to give up. Maybe I’ll just stop trying and buy a bunch of Oxford Cloth Button Downs like everybody else.