Part 1: How I Lost the Weight for Good
3 Part Self-Discovery Series
January 13, 2017 was the day I decided to finally get serious about my
weight loss goals. Weighing 181lbs at a whopping 5’2”, I knew things
had to change. I finally stopped and looked at myself in the mirror –
only I struggled to recognize and connect with the me staring back.
Little did I know that I would later learn that the physical weight
had very little to do with my inability to connect with the reflection
in the mirror. The truth is, I’d never really connected with her…
My weight loss journey, set in motion a transformation from the inside
out, that I’d never seen coming.
Part one of my 3-part self-discovery series will look at the ways my
relationship to myself improved — and equally as important, why it
started out the way that it did.
I’m reminded of something a politics professor would say at least
once, at almost every lecture…” Choose your parents wisely.” Of
course, he wasn’t serious — but I see now, what he meant.
My childhood was far from ideal. Being the daughter of 1st generation
‘desi’, aka ‘brown’, aka East Indian/South Asian parents, came with a
whole host of questionable norms. Now, being brown is not a
prerequisite for not being able to connect with oneself — but there
does seem to be a correlation. “My people” are notorious for treating
life as a series of checkpoints with very little, if any, focus on our
internal world.
Just to be clear, it is not my intention to hate on my parents’
generation. I genuinely believe that people do the best they can, with
the tools that they have. I certainly was — even in those moments when
my ‘mom voice’ was scarily reminiscent of the voices and words I grew
up surrounded by. More on how my parenting journey was impacted, and
then up-levelled in part 2 of this series.
My decision to become a Life Coach was largely driven by the work I
did to get my mindset right. Doing the work and realizing that I
decide how I experience my world, is what fueled my want, to help
others realize the same, and in turn make some incredible
transformations.
What do I mean by ‘getting my mindset right’? I mean, the work I did
to truly understand me.
Why do I do the things I do?
Why don’t I do the things I know I should do?
Why do all of my relationships feel so similar?
Why do I feel so overwhelmed by my kids?
Why does ‘xyz’ upset me, piss me off, or shut me down?
Why don’t I feel happy?
I suppose I’ve been on a quest to figure out what it means to be me.
I call this part of my story, cultivating self-awareness.
Here I learned how we humans are completely driven by our emotions.
The things we desire, say, do or don’t do; every single thing is
driven by the desire to feel a certain feeling. And at the absolute
core of us, is the need to feel safe.
The need to feel safe is so strong that it can cause us to make some
interesting choices, especially when you consider the fact that a
sense of familiarity is what feels safest. And then, pile on top of
that the fact that without the necessary awareness and reflection
piece, we typically utilize the ‘strategies’ we used as children to
navigate our world as adults — and so we have ourselves a recipe for a
lifetime of not playing to our fullest potential.
Healing for me has meant connecting with, understanding, and soothing
my younger self. It’s meant tapping into the parts of me in hiding –
because you see, at times, hiding felt safest. It also meant sitting
in the discomfort, and allowing myself to listen to what it is my
emotions are telling me or guiding me towards. This has meant having
to learn how to trust myself and to see my worth beyond my degrees.
That ‘ish’ was incredibly challenging at the start. I don’t think I
was ever really validated as a child — and I’m almost certain my
parents weren’t either. The cost of this is huge. Without it, we
struggle to foster healthy relationships, or feel connected. Our
self-esteem and self-confidence suffer, and our ability to regulate
our emotions can appear non-existent, at times.
So, what do things look like now, ‘post-healing’?
For starters, I finally see me.
I trust myself.
I love me.
I show myself grace when things don’t go as planned.
Choosing happiness on a daily basis, continues to get easier and easier.
I understand that only I get to define and redefine me, as often as I choose.
I can self-regulate like a pro — most of the time.
I recognize that no emotion is bad, and that there is growth and
healing in truly experiencing what we feel.
I’ve regained control of my mind, and aim to be as intentional as I
can with the thoughts I choose to entertain.
I recognize that life is always trying to get us to level up; that
life is always happening for us.
I am healthier than ever. (I even ran a half marathon in 2018!)
I’ve healed much of my co-dependent ways.
I’ve ditched the ‘guilt culture’ I had unknowingly inherited.
I’ve gotten a handle on the BS self-talk that would run laps in my
mind, constantly.
I make healthier choices, most of the time — this includes a morning
routine I never pictured myself looking forward to, every day.
I even set boundaries.
I’ve broken the cycle of intergenerational trauma!
I have the privilege of helping others do the same, and more.
If any of this resonates with you, I urge you to consider embarking on
your own self-discovery journey. Seek support, get uncomfortable, and
free yourself from the thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours that stifle
your ability to live your life as your best, most authentic self.
With gratitude,
Coach Nina
Nina is a former Social Worker (MSW), turned SAHM, turned certified
Life Coach — and coming this fall, a children’s book author. She is a
firm believer in the importance of self-awareness as a way to better
understand yourself, to more effectively relate to your world, and to
improve the quality of your relationships. Using a combination of what
she’s learned, real life experience, and intuition, Nina has helped
her clients achieve their goals and transform their day to day
experiences. To learn more about coaching with Nina, visit
coachnina.org or send her an email at hello@coachnina.org .
