Women Owning It Through a Global Pandemic — a Conversation That Needs to Be Had
Over the past two weeks, like many of you, I’ve had many conversations, private DMs and Zoom Happy Hours with other women who are temporarily paralyzed by fear and anxiety over the impact of COVID-19 as it spreads around the world and through our lives at alarming speed decimating jobs, financial security and the certainty and conveniences we’ve become all-too-comfortable with in our modern society.
One conversation I recently had took place via DM on Instagram with someone I’ve known and admired for years. She is, by all definitions, a strong woman who has fought and worked hard to build an innovative business that has been celebrated as being one of the best in its field for almost a decade. She shared her crippling anxiety at possibly having to let go of staff and lose her businesses, the strain of managing her and her husband’s schedules at home and a 2-year old, and giving birth during a pandemic (she’s 8 months pregnant). Three weeks ago, if you asked her, “You’re a woman owning it. How do you do it?” she would’ve confidently answered your question. But today, like many of us (including men, by the way), she feels rocked off her foundation — more like she is being owned rather than owning it. She wouldn’t quite know how to answer that question today (many of us don’t).
“Owning it” is, by definition, a declaration of confidence in your ability to rise above circumstances and to assert who you are, what you want from the world and what you have to offer the world. It’s both an affirmation and an aspiration.
But what happens when a pandemic forces us to self-isolate, to work from home, to watch our businesses and jobs evaporate, to see savings dwindle in a matter of weeks, to care for children and aging parents while in social isolation — all while trying to avoid getting sick?
As events unfold quickly and in confounding ways, we are not only learning more about this novel virus daily, but we’re seeing how it impact groups differently and disproportionately as it spreads around the world. A recent Bloomberg article, Women Are Bearing the Brunt of Coronavirus Disruption by Janet Paskin, highlights how women are being hit harder during this pandemic:
The vast majority of nurses, flight attendants, teachers and service industry workers are female, and their jobs put them on the front lines of the outbreak. At home, women still do more caretaking, so when the virus closes schools, restricts travel, and puts aged relatives at risk, they have more to do. “The challenge of the emergency really puts additional strain on existing inequalities,” says Laura Addati, a policy specialist in women and economic empowerment for the International Labor Organization. “If there’s not already an egalitarian sharing of child care or housework, it will be women who are responsible for remote school, for ensuring there’s food and supplies, for coping with this crisis.” Eight out of 10 nurses are women, perhaps the most extreme example of how this crisis squeezes women at home and at work.
An article in The New York Times, For Abused Women, a Pandemic Lockdown Holds Dangers of Its Own by Alisha Haridasani Gupta and Aviva Stahl, highlights how difficult and dire it is for many women who are victims of domestic violation to socially distance themselves and stay at home:
Early last week, as the novel coronavirus exploded from state to state, a woman called the National Domestic Violence Hotline in a crisis: Her partner had tried to strangle her and she needed medical help, but feared going to the hospital because of the virus.
Another woman was being forced to choose between work and home. “He threatened to throw me out if I didn’t work from home,” she said. “He said if I started coughing, he was throwing me out in the street and that I could die alone in a hospital room.”
How do women “own it” during a pandemic? And what does that even mean right now?
This is the difficult conversation we need to have with ourselves and with each other. And it’s for this reason that I was humbled and excited to be invited to speak on this topic by NY Media Center (IFP): Womxn Owning It Virtual Fireside Chat with Charlie Oliver, Founder/CEO of Tech 2025: Owning It in Times of Uncertainty (April 8, 5PM EST, via Zoom).
Womxn Owning It is a program series designed to celebrate female-identifying creators and entrepreneurs breaking down boundaries in the media + tech industries. In this fireside chat, I’ve been invited to participate in, we will explore the tools we have and need to not only navigate the volatility and uncertainty of a global pandemic, but to embrace the fullness of our potential and the opportunities (yes, opportunities) this historical moment in time is presenting us.
What’s In Your Tool Box and How Will This Pandemic Change You?
Here’s the thing that we’re all learning during these truly unprecedented (that dreaded word) times — when a global pandemic steps onto the stage, everything changes. All bets are off. The board gets wiped clean. What’s up is down, what’s right is left, the heroes become victims and victims become heroes. And the tools you may have relied on for most of your life might suddenly seem woefully inadequate or even irrelevant during a pandemic when we’re all on lockdown. When we are faced with our own fears, for extended periods of time, our personal weaknesses become just as prominent as our strengths. Suddenly, “owning it” becomes more challenging and less certain.
That’s when we need to dig deep into our tool box and, if necessary, borrow tools from others who are also working through their process of adapting.
If you ask me how I “own it,” you’ll get a different answer depending on what I’m going through in my life and on what the world is demanding of me versus what I agree to give the world of myself. “Owning it” is a never-ending negotiation between your inner-self and the outer world but, ultimately, it is a contract between your current self and your future self. And it changes!
What’s being expected of us now far surpasses what has been expected of us in the past and what we ever could’ve imagined (this pandemic being the only one we’ve experienced in our lifetimes). I look forward to exploring this topic and hearing from other women how they are redefining “owning it” for the new world we are in and creating.
Here are just a few of the ideas on owning it throughout this pandemic:
1. Recognize that “owning it” is a process, not a destination. As women know all too well, some days are better than others, but the process by which we get to the point of “owning it” is just as important as “owning it.” Give your process a head seat at the table and don’t judge the process (yes, pandemics are horrible — but focusing on how horrible they are all the time will keep you locked in feelings of helplessness).
2. Define and redefine what “it” means to you. How we individually define what “it” is that we’re supposed to be owning will differ person-to-person. This is why it’s crucial to ask ourselves this question now, while we have a global time-out, and to explore where our ideas of “owning it” really come from (we are told to want things we may not want or need — yet we often embrace those things for social acceptance). Whatever “it” means for you today, it’s likely very different than it was before this pandemic, and it will likely change in the coming months and year — and that’s OKAY.
My personal definition of “owning it” is: Embracing the fullness of my potential AND the limitations of my weaknesses and faults to create what I need to be the best that I can be for myself, for others and for this world. (you’ll notice that I put “myself” first — just saying… that’s how I learned to start “owning it,” by taking care of myself first so that I can help others).
3. Own it, don’t control it. We have been taught throughout our lives that “owning it” means controlling everything around us and the outcomes. This, I believe, is where men and women differ greatly. Men view “owning it” through the lens of control. Women “own it” through the lens of creativity and flexibility. Control and creativity are two opposing forces. It is no wonder why, in a male-dominated society, women are often penalized for “owning it” (or perceived of as a threat) while men are celebrating for “owning it.” This pandemic, however, is giving us all a painful lesson in what it means to lose control (even if it is only temporary). Losing control of work, finances, our social engagement and even our personal freedoms has been a shock to our collective system. But we’ve already begun to creatively figure out how to focus on what really matters to us and redefine our social bonds — online concerts and group chats, adapting how we work, being kinder to one another. When we let go of control and rely more on creativity, we realize there was no need for control to begin with — things happen and they flow, our creativity teaches us how to truly “own it.” And it turns out that technology has become an indispensable and powerful tool.
4. Celebrate and learn from the women who are “owning it” for all of us on the front lines of the COVID-19 battle. They are the essential service workers who are putting their lives in danger to keep the country running and to keep us alive like hospital staff, delivery people, police offers and firefighters, truck drivers, grocery store and restaurant workers and more. I follow nurses on Twitter who are owning it every day while battling Coronavirus with limited supplies and who share that, contrary to feeling like they are “owning it” they often feel the exact opposite –overwhelmed, scared and like they are losing a battle. We can help them and each other by reaching out to support them (even a kind word, a thank you, a supportive tweet). They remind us that we are in this together and that “owning it” doesn’t mean doing so on your own or by yourself. We can learn a powerful lesson on how to “own it” during a pandemic by helping someone else.
5. When you think you are at your weakest, you are often your strongest. The women at the front lines of this pandemic around the world remind us that it’s okay to feel weak. The reality is always more complicated and nuanced that what we feel. In reality, they are stronger than we can imagine and saving lives. Right now, we may not feel like we are owning it, but we are. It will take a bit of time to reconcile our feelings with our reality but we are getting there one day at a time.
I look forward to an ongoing conversation and exchange of ideas with other women who are adjusting during this difficult time. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa, but it may help us to see things in a more nuanced way that alleviates anxiety and acts as a beacon of light to move forward.
As my grandmother and many elderly women (who really knew how to “own it”) used to say to me throughout my life until she passed away:
“Like yeast in bread, you have to rise to the occasion.”
I keep that in my tool box to this day. We women are always rising to the occasion and we will continue to throughout this process, together.
How are you “owning it” during this pandemic? What’s in your tool box that you can share with other women to help them? How will this change you? And what are your hopes for the future after this pandemic?
Join the upcoming virtual fireside chat: Womxn Owning It Virtual Fireside Chat with Charlie Oliver, Founder/CEO of Tech 2025: Owning It in Times of Uncertainty (April 8, 5PM EST, via Zoom). Info & Free Signup: https://bit.ly/39kVGmF
COVID-19 Resources for Women
The National Organization for Women (NOW) has an informative list of resources for women impacted by Coronavirus including: Domestic Violence and Assault Survivors, People Facing Food Insecurity, Childcare and Education, Domestic and Food Service Workers, Immigrant Women and Families, and Healthcare Workers.
View resources for women here: bit.ly/covid19forwomen
COVID-19 Resource Guide for Filmmakers and Creatives During COVID-19 Crisis by NY Media Center
Here’s a fantastic, comprehensive resource guide specifically for creatives in media. You can also connect directly with NY Media Center to learn more about their initiatives, events and resources here: https://nymediacenter.com
Resource Guide: https://nymediacenter.com/2020/03/resource-guide-for-filmmakers-and-creatives-during-covid-19-crisis/
