Thankfulness. What do I have to be thankful for?
That’s a lie that I like to tell myself. Myself get’s told a lot of lies by I.
This is short practice on my reality and an effort to reject the negative.
The Reality: I’m in relationship where we both care about each other. The fam is healthy. I’m in the black with the bank. I live in Berlin. One of the best cities in the world IMHO and I am well educated. Sure, I’ve nothing to be complaining about.
The Negative: …but but but this isn’t on track, that won’t look good on my cv and I can’t afford that irrelevant thing.
How? The answer is time. I’ve practiced hard at negativity over 20 years. I’d go as far as to say I am the Valentino Rossi of negativity. My career in stopping myself doing things is long, illustrious and spans 3/4’s of my life. Even when it looks like I really might just do something big, I’d talk it up to everyone and then not do it. And have an even bigger fall. The negative gains traction because it’s easier to not do than to do. Once you decide not to do that thing, it’s even easier to come up with an excuse.
Why? Having spent time recently trying to work out how and why I got here, there are definite influences in my personal history that point in the general direction. Weight issues lead to a poor aptitude in sport and it grew from there. We’ve got to go back to when I was 7 to my first memory of thinking negative. The folks brought me to try out Scouts but I couldn’t hack it. I came up with whatever flavour of the month excuse I had at the time; I’m fat, those lads don’t like me, yada yada yada and we left, never to go back (I fucking love camping). The short story is that there is no one to blame and some bad things happened and there’s no changing that. You can change your future though. Stand up or lie down, that’s up to you. It’s good to reflect but it’s only a small part of the puzzle.
The positive: I’m working on actionable things to rewire my brain. Neural pathways can be altered but it requires commitment over time. I am attempting to succeed through breathing exercises, goal setting and structure. By controlling my breathing for say 20 mins in the morning, I can reduce the noise and panic in my head which allows clear thought to prosper. The goal setting gives me the focus so I know what to do. Finally the structure, having a plan is half the battle. Aim for x then break it down into manageable steps that allow for daily wins.
OR you can try this great new pill, Positivomol. “Guaranteed to solve all of your problems. Made with our patented rose tinted formula”
For me right now it’s getting that momentum, I’ve tried a couple of times but I didn’t go deep enough. Keep at it. No excuses.
As our good friend Shia says ….