I have to get back to work, dude.
Tonight, I had a front row seat to a show many women would be loathe to attend: I spent over an hour listening to two male Hooli engineers debate their views on feminism, favoritism, and fairness. I won’t go into the content of the arguments because they are among the weaker I’ve heard (no offense, guys), but suffice it to say that sides were taken, and nothing was taboo.
“Look behind you.”
I have nothing but good things to say about the man (our story’s hero) who defended feminism as a concept, and specifically defended the women who are right now fighting and protesting for their place in the world. When stuck in a logical rut, Our Hero continued to push his colleague: with empathy. And when presented with unreasonable arguments about women’s ability to keep up in the workplace, his response was to gesture to the young woman cranking on her laptop at 9:30pm (me) and say, “Dude, I mean… c’mon. Look behind you.” Thanks, dude.
Seen, but not heard
Why didn’t I address this man directly? After all, they were less than a foot from me, I wasn’t embarrassed, and they were talking explicitly about me.
Here’s why I didn’t stop what I was doing and attempt to change the mind of The Other Guy (who believes I’m being coddled, given special treatment, and “ought to sign up for armed combat if equality is my goal” — an ironic twist, given Our Hero is a veteran from a country where women are conscripted):
- I want to understand how other people think. If I believe empathic listening is missing from a viewpoint, I should practice it myself. I had the luxury of listening to an unedited conversation, and I should enjoy it.
- I think we all sometimes need a safe place to be heard by people who share our experiences. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend/boss/friends listening to every word I spoke in momentary frustration. Sometimes a bitch session is just that.
- Sometimes a bitch session isn’t just that, and is reflective of a broader, deeper anger. This felt like the latter. I don’t make a habit of building relationships with angry people, and I don’t see the point of debating them.
- Lastly, I didn’t engage in their debate on feminism (or write a longer post about it) because I have to get back to work, dude. And if The Other Guy ever reads this and doesn’t want my daughter taking his job someday, I would suggest he do the same.
