North North North
I’m laying in the dark in my room. Not MY room but a room I will call mine for the next fourteen days. It looks exactly the same as the last room that was “mine” for the last fourteen days. Plasterboard ceiling, linoleum flooring, worn duvet and closet fitted with a padlock. Not that I can see any of this in the dark, it’s now marked in my minds eye after weeks of seeing it. The constant hum of the apartment sized generator out back keeps time in the background as consistently as my breath and I rub my fingertips together feeling the tough cracked skin that I have earned here. Between my shoulder blades is aching and the little fear voice is warning me to stand up straighter or I will be as hunched over as the rest of these old camp cooks. I want to stay young forever. These past two years have scarred my face with wrinkles and my body feels aged. On my good days I feel strong and glowing on the other days I am filled with regret and fear, that my choices may have set my body in concrete, bent and crooked.
Every moment of my days here are a steady stream of prioritizing thoughts and setting each new task in order to be completed as efficiently as possible. Actual work and also small personal tasks and body functions. “ Take your shoes off here, don’t forget your flip flops for the shower, grab two towels, ew don’t touch the handle, open the door with your back, whoops don’t walk so loud in the hallways, lock the bathroom door behind you, undress then pee then turn on the shower, hurry up its late, you still have to get out your work clothes…” Everything is a challenge to fit into every minute.
I’m having déjà vu of a dream I had of writing this, it happens a lot. I remember dreaming this and thinking what a strange mundane dream to have about texting in a hotel room in the dark, only this isn’t a hotel room and this isn’t a vacation.
It’s my room, at work, for the next fourteen days.
This morning camp was lit up with orange and pink sherbet skies. It seeped into the windows of the dining room like fog. I finished wiping up the tables and went outside. It was so bright but subdued at the same time. The sky was filled with clouds lit up. The color was so everywhere, it was like I was standing in it. Like waving my hand in the air in front of me was pulling my fingers through a mist of cotton candy. I took a picture with my phone, but of course it did not at all show really where I was at that moment. I stood for awhile and watched the color turn from pinks and oranges to yellows and cream. Like melted butter. Monte Au Buerre in the sky. Everything is always food. The generator buzzed in the background and I turned and went back inside. “Hold the door, don’t let it slam nightshift is sleeping, wipe your shoes don’t track in that rig mud, oh crap tear down the cold table, cookies, then salads then sandwiches, shit make more coffee, no swap that do fruit , then cookies then salads, then sandwiches…”
