and the dark-side of Indian hospitality
I have an annoyingly long first name that doesn’t fit an Indian driving license and adding my father’s name as last name was just a logistical nightmare in application forms. Navaneethakrishnan Ramanathan is not something that flows smoothly while you shake someone’s hand. Interacting with native English speakers at work, making them pronounce my name right just took so much time, so I shrunk my first name to Navie (which is how I’m called at home) and last name to my (you guessed it) caste name. Honestly, I just thought it was a great way to identify with my clan/family, because that is the closest I have to family name being a South Indian. I faced some criticisms, sure! But since I know that I didn’t use that name for a single thing that benefits me monetarily or otherwise, I didn’t pay attention to it. I even made friends with a guy from Africa who is from the same clan as me whose grandparents settled there for a generations ago.
I was watching my favorite Tamil debate show called Neeya Naana (You or Me), with the topic “Caste/Creed pride with last names — Boon or Bane”. The stage is set in such a way where two groups sit across the hall facing each other and the moderator (Mr. Gopinath) roams in the middle. When both the sides start speaking for themselves, I was able to empathize with a few who didn’t give it much thought but just wanted to let their clan know that they are a part of it for networking purposes. At the end of every the show, two famous guest speakers were introduced to each side, Ms. Parvati Nair (Malayalam actress) for the side claiming caste names are alright and Tamil movie Director Mr. Karu Palaniappan. Parvati Nair began her case that caste names were mere names of their identifying profession and not that of their status in society, Like carpenters, builders, administrators, etc., and that there was no discrimination whatsoever and that her name is just a name and nothing else. Karu Palaniappan intervened Parvati Nair asking where his people who cleared sewage were in this big picture and if it means that they are expected to continue doing what they used to do. He went on to talk about why such differences exist in Tamil Nadu and Kerala attributing atheist Periyar’s influence there.
Karu Palaniappan spoke about one of his assistant’s encounter with a local while shooting near Thirunelveli. About how the local (elder) tried asking his assistant’s name and when he said Brahma, he kept staring at him waiting for the rest of his name (expecting last name). After which he suffixed the last name Brahma Nayagam and then the villager felt at ease knowing that he is of a high caste. That being said there has always been a level of shame among the liberals in Tamil Nadu not giving away their last/caste name willingly, especially due to Periyar’s influence. He also pointed out the irony of a guy in the audience who took pride in his last name but sent his son to a Global school, smirking “why not send him to his caste run school with a mindset like that” he questioned. He quoted Kaniyan Poongunranar saying “Yathum Oorey, Yavarum Kaeleer” which is depicted on United Nations Organization. The nearest translation of that quote is,
“All the world is our home, all the people our kin”
Karu Palaniappan went on to explain how (older) locals in Tamil Nadu colloquially labelled Naikar’s farms and Koundar’s farms, which are high castes, but never was there a Sakilian’s (lower caste name) farm, due to the shame attached to the caste. Parvati Nair naively inquired as to why he shouldn’t proudly wear his name? This is when Karu Palaniyappan’s story telling kicked in, while he poured his identity-related angst out.
Tamil culture is known for their hospitality and generosity, and imperativeness to feeding the guest! You just can’t walk away from someone’s home while they’re having food in the olden days, they will push your ass on the dining seat, shove some food down your throat and I am not even exaggerating, it happens most of the times. At least they’d offer you food before they start eating, in the present day. But when it comes to the case of the caste/creed, he pointed out “you guys are making me watch while you eat, knowing very well that I can’t eat”. Apart from his metaphor, this is literally the case to this day, SC/ST people in India or just anyone who works as everyday help aren’t allowed inside the house or never let to dine with them. In that show, there was a guy from the caste-side who got up from his seat and said “I didn’t know about how you felt until now, but If what I did was humiliating you to this extent, then I don’t think I need this last name” and walked across the hall to the opposing team of the debate symbolizing his change in just like that, Mr Karu Palaniappan appreciated him and made him sit near him with his hands over his shoulders like his buddy.
“I didn’t know about how you felt until now, but If what I did was humiliating you to this extent, then I don’t think I need this last name”
It all came back to me, about how my mom wouldn’t allow me to hangout with my one specific friend, and how she’ll make faces when he comes home. I didn’t know why for a very long time, she denied telling me why for years and it drove me nuts. My friend gave me excuses to avoid visiting my home as well after a while, for sometime I even thought if it could’ve been money, but his parents had more money and better jobs than mine. I figured it out later after pestering my mom about it and I was mad at her for a while, and I just felt a little bad, back then, nothing more. But when Karu Palaniappan shared his perspective of shame and discrimination that he felt all his life, it hit me like sledgehammer on my face. I had tears rolling down my cheek hearing about the level of humiliation that he must have had to endure. I knew just then that I had to get rid of my last name.
