10 Things I Learned From the Past Years

The ache of saudade
Jun 24 · 3 min read

“God’s timing is so much different than ours. Learn to be patient, learn to trust again, learn to heal from past relationships and learn to outgrow the pain.”

1)Your mother is always right — it doesn’t matter if she’s saying that the shirt doesn’t suit you or she’s warning you that your relationship is gonna break your heart. You won’t like her opinion, but she’ll be right. Just grit your teeth, smile and hug her. Someday you’ll understand and be thankful she cared enough to tell you.

2) She’s not different from the other girls, she’s just good at playing the game — she’ll fill your heart with love and your head with pretty thoughts and then she’ll leave you to crash and burn because she cannot handle the embarrassment you’re going through. She doesn’t mean to hurt you. She’s young too. Letting you go will be her biggest regret but let her realize it on her own. Don’t chase.

3) Love yourself — as cliche as it sounds, if you can’t respect yourself, nobody else will respect you. Do things that make you happy. Buy that shirt and pants and shoes, because it looks great on you. Not because you want to impress someone who doesn’t care. Eat your favorite pasta with a slice of cake and chicken wings. Don’t feel guilty for it, only exercise if you want to. Look after yourself. Don’t overdo it. It’s okay to be selfish and put yourself first, sometimes you have to.

4) Don’t hurt people the way someone hurt you — don’t lead people on when you have no intention of anything else. Don’t say “I love you” if you don’t mean it. Always remember what it felt like to be heartbroken, and although it was a learning curve, remember the tears and the pain and the aching of your soul when they left. Don’t put other people through that.

5) Tell them how you feel — if its love, lust, resentment or anger; tell them. They deserve to know where they stand with you, and you deserve to have a clear mind

6) Not everyone is worth it — being around someone who consistently makes you feel worthless and continues to negatively influence your life is not worth the pain you will endure in the long run. Although you love them, spare your sanity, save your mental health, think of the long term effects it’ll have on you as an individual. Do not be manipulated. Do not compromise who you are for anybody because you are enough,

7) Alcohol is not the answer — drowning yourself in vodka will not make it all go away. Paracetamol can cure your hangover, but when that’s gone, you’ll still be heartbroken. It’s not worth the extra pain when you’re already burdened with a lifetime full of it.

8) Apologies mean nothing — saying sorry doesn’t fix a thing. This isn’t the playground anymore. If you want to sort it out, actions speak louder than words. You need to prove that you’re worth the second chance. You gotta keep your pride and show that you deserve to still be a part of the person’s life.

9) Trust nobody — only a handful of people actually care about what you tell them. The rest just need some stories to tell to others

10) Don’t hurt yourself — the scars might fade but you’ll never forget what it felt like, the sound of the skin that covers your bones ripping apart at the seams. You’ll never quite escape that feeling that you’re going to relapse. You’ll never escape the urge or the itch. It’s not worth the pain. You are more than your depression. You are more than your scars. You are more than your mental health. You are more than you think you are.

The ache of saudade

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I’m a broken person and i puzzle myself together everyday. Music, book, paper and a pen are the things that always makes sense for me. It keeps my demons away