“Numb” — On Linkin Park and Suicide

Tragedy. All around the world was felt the suicide of Chester Bennington — the lead vocalist of Linkin Park. As with many other people, Linkin Park’s music — its raw emotion and power — guided me through many dark days growing up. He screamed the words that I felt but could not speak. His songs were an anthem for an army of the lonely. An army who might never meet or know of each other’s existence. Yet in the minds of each of us, in his songs, lives the memory of our communion.
Dr J., a psychiatrist I met, thinks that the presence of random, even facetious suicidal ideation to any degree is abnormal; I do not think so. Or perhaps I should say that it is common to anyone who has experienced inordinate trauma at some point their lives — whether or not they continue to be high-functioning individuals in society.
Killing Pain. Throughout human history, pain relief is a strong and persistent theme — whether through pharmacological means which numb our sensation of pain (drugs, alcohol), or through something else that distracts us from that pain like self harm, addiction, exercise etc. (dopaminergic feedback). Our species produces and prescribes painkillers on an unprecedented scale and regularity. Death simply happens to be the most extreme and efficacious painkiller — for it simply terminates all sensation and consciousness — albeit permanently and irreversibly. It is not at all alien for us to consider administering death as a painkiller — even in clinical settings. Euthanasia is an instance in which we believe that administering a single dose of death is a morally just course of action. Turning off life support is another.

Not wanting to feel anything — not only pain — but anything anymore (anhedonia) is a desire that has been demonstrated in multiple psychological studies to be a strong predictor of suicidal feelings. It is also a sentiment that was evident in Chester Bennington’s last interview prior to his death:
“Honestly like, fuck all of you; like everybody and everything, and I don’t like doing anything anymore, like nothing makes me happy. I don’t like anyone. I even told one of my therapists at one point, I said: “I just don’t want to feel anything.”
I do not think indulging suicidal ideation is healthy, and in all but the most special cases, very often a misguided choice. One of the problems that accompanies high rates of domestic gun ownership is that a bullet is the surest and quickest painkiller for all the troubles known to mankind. In desperation, under the crushing weight of emotional distress, one will be sorely tempted to pull the trigger, and administer instant relief.
But I equally believe that an irrational aversion to suicidal ideation obscures the very logical bases which motivate the administration of death as the ultimate painkiller.
In life, Chester Bennington’s songs numbed our pains. In death, he numbed his own. He will be missed by many.
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