TO MY HUSBAND
for showing me what real Love is
What’s Love? There are so many types of love, you would answer. There is the love between parents and their children. Between brothers and sisters. The love friends share. Love between spouses, lovers…
When it comes to romantic relationships we could also identify various kinds. There is this desperate kind of love when you are bewitched by somebody so unattainable that at some point you could hardly recognise yourself in the mirror. Or another type: the one that you know that is certainly not the real one, and yet it happens to be your Noah’s Ark, your way out of misery. It’s convenient and it feels kind of nice, cozy and effortless to stay in. Cause love can be so much hard work, right? How about this other love, the ‘can’t live without each other one’. And yet, it’s not meant to be. It’s pointless. It’s painful. The one that lifts you up, wears you down and then finally tears you completely apart.
They all sound familiar, right? I have had them all. And they all seem kind of normal, don’t they? It is a matter of personal choice which way to love one would embrace. This is what I used to think. This is what I used to try to convince myself was the only possible and acceptable truth about love.
Only now, having met the love of my life, my one and only soulmate, I am capable of realising how deluded I was, thinking that all the previous times I had fallen in love were actually real love. Now I am capable of identifying the difference between being in love with somebody and loving somebody. While being two incredible feelings that have to be embraced and cherished, being in love and actually loving are two different things that are very often quite blurry. We have to be able to differentiate them properly.
When we love somebody we are grounded, balanced and totally under control. We are happy just because the other person exists. We are capable of building a stable relationship, in which the partners love each other that much, that they are able of being in a couple without losing the sense and the nature of their own selves as individuals.
Being in love, on the other hand, doesn’t mean loving, as love is a feeling, and falling/being in love is passion. When we are in love with somebody our head is in the clouds and we feel out of control of our thoughts, feelings and willpower. By definition passion is an irresistible, powerful and obsessive fugacious emotion that could make the lover’s mind blurry and could change the way he/she sees the world completely. Hence, being in love is an emotional house, while loving and experiencing real love is an emotional balance.
I used to always say about my previous relationships: ‘that was a different kind of love’. Now I know: it simply wasn’t love. I wasn’t loving, I was in love. Let’s go back to where we started: how many types of love one could identify. Now I firmly believe that there are no versions of love. There is only love. The LOVE. Love that has no equal. Love that can’t be compared to anything you have felt before. Love that is worth searching for even if that search takes you a lifetime.