Walk With Me on a Comedic Journey Through My Career.
Exactly 242 days, 7 hours, and 9-ish minutes after my last blog post, I’m pleased to say I’m back.
In the time I was away, I cried, panicked and daydreamed about writing this 242 times. I also became employed– full-time (after bragging continuously on the internet that I would never work a full-time job).
So yeah, welcome back to me.
We’ll start with the worthy mentions:
Cheesballs retailer (2006)
In primary school, where all great romances start, I sold cheeseballs.
I would buy a pack of cheese balls with my ₦20 pocket money and sell it at ₦25.
25% profit like the future businesswoman that I am.
Then I would spend all of that ₦25 on sweets.
Hair cream mixologist (200?)
We all did it. Right? Right??
Garri Seller (2010)
I was in boarding school and always had fantastic Garri. My mum bought it directly from the roasters — straight from the fire. It was white, dry, sour, and crunchy. I sold it at ₦20 a handful and then used all of the money to buy Viju Chocolate.
Okay, that was me warming up. Here’s the real thing:
Makeup Artist (2014)
That’s all I’m going to say about that.
Event ushering (once in 2015, once in 2016). Doubles as the beginning of my horrors
Aside from really hating the ushering uniforms (why were they so badly sewn?), I, from the depth of my whole heart, hated having to stand for so long, AND ON HIGH HEELS! 😭.
So yeah, I quit.
Multilevel Marketing
Gags. Spits. Obliterates it from memory.
Blogger (2015)
Alwaysforevertruth.wordpress.com
One day, I woke up and was too embarrassed to keep writing, so I deleted the blog and all its content with it.
I regret this.
Baker (2016–2019, 2020)
This phase makes me very grateful for the gift of perspective.
I found it embarrassing then, but, I had an actual learning curve. I developed my own recipes, bought equipment, watched myself grow, and LOVED EVERY PART OF IT.
Unfortunately, professionally untrained me only wanted to bake cute things– like cupcakes with puppy faces.
Double unfortunately, professionally untrained me didn’t get the training she needed to bake cute cupcakes with puppy faces.
So, again, I quit.
In hindsight, I realize that baking is a creative outlet. I absolutely adore it, and I hope I build a life that allows me to bake often.
Grocery retailer (for 2 weeks in 2019)
Now, please don’t get me wrong– I really think I could have succeeded at this. But by now, we have established that I historically didn’t follow through with hard things– and this was my first real entrepreneurial endeavour. Unlike baking, it wasn’t a cute creative outlet or hobby, it was hard business.
So I dusted my slippers and RAN.
Plastic recycler? Environmentalist? (2017, 2020)
One thing about me? I AM DELUSIONAL.
I, who knew next to nothing about the plastic recycling process, wrote and submitted a grant application to build a plastic recycling company.
I was literally watching a YouTube video about the process and writing the grant document at the same time.
The grant application?
I’m looking at it as I type this. It’s not the worst thing I’ve written in my life.
Human Resources (2019- 2020)
Boring story here; I figured I was a people-person, and thought that was all it took. I didn’t know I would need to use Excel. I hate Excel.
Project Manager? Executive assistant? Admin lead? (2021–2022)
In real life, I set my alarm for 5 am and snooze it until 7:30. I have breakfast at 1 pm, after promising myself several times that I would have it at 9. What made me think I had the skill set to manage other people’s projects?
Ehn?
Programmer (for 6 months in 2022)
If I unpack this, we won’t leave here. It will be a dedicated article where I go on and on about how much I hate Flex Box.
Unworthy mentions
I went through a craft phase and made objectively ugly hair bands in 2016.
Unfortunately, I can’t find the pictures, and I hope nobody on earth has them.
Anyway, speech
From one ex-career drifter to a might-be career drifter, here’s what I’ve learnt:
Trying to commit to anything is hard and gruelling.
It takes ghcdvhkbeln from you.
That’s not a real word. That’s me trying to qualify the ‘everything’ that commitment takes from you. And if you were like me, you sometimes just don’t have the ‘ghcdvhkbeln’ to give. Unfortunately, I’m not qualified enough to give you advice.
Here’s what I’ve learnt from not following through with my seasonal passions though:
The feeling sucks. Very badly. And I hate it. That hatred created a healthy desperation in me to follow through with whatever I put my hands to do. To walk through the hard, absorb the discomfort, and break out at the other side.
I hope you hate the feeling too and grow to give the ghcdvhkbeln– the ‘everything’– in all you do. To pour yourself into things, get your reward in fulfilment first, then in achievement, and yes, in lots of money.
Okay bye!
Glossary
Garri: Cassava flakes. If you’re curious enough about it, read here.
