The Silent Son’s Diaries — Drunk again!

I don’t know how he does it. driving at top speed, with perfect vision or at least so it appears for he never misses his way back late in the night. he comes home drunk every other day. some nights drunker then the previous.

he’s not the perfect father. his does have his moments but his flaws can be overwhelming. for as long as i can remember, alcohol has been his greatest downfall. I’ve had memories as a child, images that i wish could be unseen of him in his lowest point. i remember once crying seeing him covered in his own filth, drunk to the point of unconsciousness, where at that moment i swore i would never be like him.

today was a long day. tons of house errands toppled with personal deadlines got me reaching for my bed early. I would usually go to sleep after midnight but my eyes couldn’t stay awake any longer.

after what seemed like a few hours, i was woken to a sound just outside my window. Alas father was back late again. There wasn’t any sign of the gate closing so it seemed he has been in the compound for a while. I heard my sister talking to him and the much too familiar sound of his tipsy voice mumbled something.

I decided to get out of bed to see what the fuss was about; that’s when I saw him. He had fallen. Bleeding from the mouth and nose, he was shaking. he looked confused and didn’t know where he was. My heart sunk. I hated to see him like this. For God’s sake, how much had he had to drink to get him this wasted? And how was he able to drink and drive all the way home when he could barely stand talk less of walking?

I helped him into the house while my sister picked up his things and closed the car. Clearly she was tired and disappointed as well. I took him to his room while he kept mumbling about not being able to 'find it' and that he fell and some other talk. I got him out of his clothes then helped him into his bed. After washing the blood off his face, I stood looking at him as he lay there sleeping.

For a moment I wondered if there was anything I could have done to prevent his situation. Sadly, I knew the answer. As I closed his door behind me, I made another promise to myself, not too different from the one I made as a child, telling myself to always stay sober and make the right decisions. I would never have my children see me this way; I will be better.