Three (Popular) Advises that Killed My Chances of Growing

We all want to live a happy and successful life. If you are like me, you are probably spending hours on the Internet and self-help books, listening to all kinds of advices and practicing them with the hope that it would help you transform your life to better.

But at one point, when you reach a stage that you have heard all the advices out there, and yet, you feel like you are drowning right where you stand.

Have you felt it? I have.

Every time I watched the video in which Steve Jobs says, “the only way… is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking”, I go nuts. I am already 30. Probably I have another few more decades left in my life. What if I don’t find it? Or what if I find it and it wont makes sense to me or pays my bills? Should I spend the rest of my life in depression and not work on what I have? That doesn’t seem right.

So I listed down such popular advices that convinced the world as the secret formulas to success or greatness or whatever, and tried to see the other side of it. And when analyzed, three of them made me feel, “what the fuck?” And they are as follows:

Advice #1: Find something that you will love to do:

One of the well-worn advices that we usually get, isn’t it?

But, trust me, it is not as crucial as we’ve been led to believe. Don’t take me wrong. It is great if you are doing something you love and getting paid for it (you lucky bastard!). But, you are just being imprudent if you are going to ignore what you have and wait to find something that you “would” love to do.

Let’s breakdown Steve Jobs’s story, for instance. Before he started his visionary company, Apple Inc., he wasn’t passionate about technology — Steve Wozniak was, but not Jobs. Cal Newport, in his book “So Good They Can’t Ignore You” states, Jobs was more like a conflicted young man in a hippie appearance, seeking spiritual enlightenment, and most importantly, he dabbled into electronics only when it promised to earn quick money. And only this mindset made Jobs to get his first big break.

The point is, even Jobs did not start something just because he loved it. He jumped right into something and eventually started loving it when he grew with it.

So stop dwelling with the mindset that you will succeed only when you find something you’d love to do. The chances are high that you will achieve success in your current work than from something you think you would love to do. Why? Lets think realistic for a moment. The latter is most likely not in demand and consists of decisions filled with emotion.

So start loving what you are currently doing. Put in the extra effort to live in it, master it, regardless of how painful it may get. Don’t be a sissy — you don’t have to love it to take the pain. You just take it because you have to.

And before you’d know, the doors of opportunities will open. You will be glad one day that you stick to what you started and not wander on a quest.

Advice #2: Live each day like it’s your last:

A very popular advice if you are in your early 20s. It makes me want to kill myself when someone talks about it. I mean, what the fuck!?

Trust me, if you are planning to live your life like each day is your last — you are going to be broke soon. Most of us wouldn’t even work, if we lived everyday like it was the last.

If it were my last day today, I wouldn’t be putting efforts to even write this post. Who knows, I would have been fired for punching my boss on his face.

This reckless advice can only lead to short-term goals and risk your future.

This advice is a complete BS, unless you are thinking of this advice only to grab your confidence at an important event.

Stop being the spoiled teenage brat and start living everyday balancing it with tomorrow and responsibilities. Only then you can build something for yourself that you will be proud about later.

Advice #3: Surround yourself with the likeminded:

This can be really encouraging and even give you peace-of-mind. But mark my words, you will end up with only what you have and not grow beyond yourself.

My martial arts coach has never allowed us to workout with someone of our equal strength. He forced us to train and spar with individuals who are better than us. That strategy did torment and weaken our confidence for a while, but soon we realized that our skill developed quicker than usual.

The formula is simple. If you want to grow, you have to start surrounding yourself with the people who are better than you. Who have better ideas, better ideology, and better thinking capacity. Who will wrestle with your ideas. Who will challenge your capabilities. Who will make you feel uncomfortable to be around them, and indirectly, motivate to improve yourself. And that’s when you will find that little spark inside you that will do magic in your life.

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