Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, 2019)

I never see myself as an angry person because I’ve spent my entire life running away from my father’s anger. However, lately I feel that maybe, perhaps in some way, in an absurd manner; I am perpetually angry after all. In its most subdued, dormant form, my anger manifests itself in outbursts of passive-aggressiveness and wry cynicism. Most of the time, I don’t even know what angers me or who is the root cause of my outrage. …

The Virgin Suicides (Sofia Coppola, 1999)

Sundays remind me of mornings spent sitting in front of the tv, drowsy and half awake, stealing bites of cookies in between commercial breaks.

Sundays meant going back and forth into my room finding excuses to stretch the noon. Occasionally stumbling upon old drawings toys knick knacks hiding in every nook and cranny. I built a shrine made up of tattered, dog-eared Roald Dahl’s and I lay on my stomach sweat soaking in the carpet thinking to myself — the sun burns slow like melting candles.

Sunday evenings are reserved for brief encounters with playground swings, poking mimosas, wondering why…

Nightcrawler (Dan Gilroy, 2014)

People say that 23 is when you reach your prime; this is your peak. I for one would like to disagree to such preposterous claim.

I should be breathing a huge sigh of relief upon knowing that I finally completed school. All those four years of so-called tertiary education ended as soon as it started. Instead, I find myself in a complete state of catatonia, unable to avoid this torrent of uneasiness as it washes over me from head to toe. I am thoroughly wet. Not in a good way.

Mapping out where I should head on next is definitely…

When I first watched Greta Gerwig directorial debut Lady Bird, it took me three days to completely let everything sink in. I can’t shake the feeling of how the movie resonates deeply with my psyche — how strained my relationship was (and in some ways, still ongoing) with my own mother.

Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig, 2017)

Most of which is perhaps due to my own undoings rather than what I perceive of her shortcomings. I too, led a rebellious phase during my teen just like Christine did in the movie. I fought with my mother all the time. Heck we even gotten into a quarrel…

Only Lovers Left Alive (Jim Jarmusch, 2013)

This is a little something I’d like to document, just so I can look back one day and read how utterly pathetic my life was in the year 2018.

A list of songs I listen on a heavy rotation, that have accompanied me while I sob uglily in the grimy cubicle of some public toilet and/or other also places which I deemed suitable for the said purpose. Songs that I choose to listen to on my daily commute to school. Songs that made me dance, hard. …

Beach Rats (Eliza Hittman, 2017)

I can get very loud and brash at times, although moments when I am quiet and reserved aren’t that rare too. So it can be a rather confusing task if you were to assign me in a compartment of sorts. Am I an unapologetically outgoing person? Maybe I’m just a restless introvert? Perhaps I stand in between, wanting to be out there with everyone but with one foot stuck in my own comfort zone. I myself can’t be so sure about this too, unfortunately.

I know that this is part and parcel of experiencing growth. It’s the journey of self-discovery…

Izzat Haziq

24 — borneo

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