About our hidden scars

Be compassionate: everyone has their own hidden traumas

Let’s say you have been living in a wild island for the last 20 years. Even if you spent all this time alone, with no one to talk — or break your heart — , you should have some baggage. The loneliness; the fear; the hunting to stay alive. You’ve got your scars. Just as all of us — living in an Island or in big cities, we all have our stories, good and bad, and we have to deal with them.

While some scars are visible, other might be hidden. So hidden that nobody will ever know that it exists, unless the scar owner tells. But we usually work ourselves so hard to keep them hidden that nobody will ever notice about them.

You have no idea of what people are going through

Hidden scars, as it suggests, are almost impossible to notice at first sight.

Maybe that person that is always on a terrible mood has some recent scars that is struggling to deal with. Or that colleague that is not productive or having trouble to deliver his projects might be passing through a rough time that he just cannot concentrate — who knows: from a broken heart to depression, loss of someone or financial problems. You will never know if people are hurting.

Be understanding: we are all humans

Even being rational animals, us humans cannot take control of everything we feel. That person that is struggling with some hard stuff or has so deep scars inside might not be able to deal with her or his problems. But trying to be compassionate is doable. Putting yourself in other’s shoes, too.

Offer help — or suggest some alternatives

When noticing that there is something different with someone you know, it is a good idea to stop for one second and analyze the situation. Usually, nobody starts decreasing productivity on work on purpose or start being unpolite for no reason at all.

Try using your words. Ask if everything is ok. And remember : if you are not a health professional, such a psychologist or psychiatrist, you should not give advice. Instead, suggest that people can look for some alternatives as therapy, coaching, etc.

…but don’t be stupid

As I’ve learnt that everyone has a past, scars and their own baggage that they need to learn how to carry for their lives, I also learnt that some people relay on their past experiences forever if you let them — and they refuse to seek for some help.

There is also some small group of people that insists on using their scars as excuses to be rude or even prejudice co-workers, company, projects, colleagues from class, etc.

Bad things happen. And happen to everybody — I wish it wasn’t true and we could control our present to don’t let anyone suffer — so everyone has to learn to be able to deal with their own baggage.

It is our job to learn to deal with scars — ours and from others. That’s what makes us humans, after all.