Defense Secretary Jim Mattis is reportedly running out of things in his office to throw in anger after the latest crisis of the Trump administration’s own making, sources confirmed today.
According to defense officials, Mattis has thus far thrown a number of lamps, a couple hundred books, a few chairs, and various awards and commendations that were hanging on his wall after hearing of problems out of the White House. On late Monday evening Mattis was seen throwing his prized copy of “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius — which he refers to in times of personal crises — right out the window in a fit of rage that reverberated around every ring of the Pentagon.
“This fucking guy gave class info on ISIS to the fucking Russians?” Mattis reportedly said, according to witnesses. “Hey I’ve got a great idea, let’s tell them where our subs are too, because we all just want to be friends and sharing is caring or some happy horseshit.”