My father is the record holder when it comes to most times someone has said, “I love you” to me.
He’s also the only person ever to:
1. Point a loaded gun to my head.
2. Hold me up by my neck with his hands.
3. Put a kitchen knife up to my neck
4. Raise his fist at me while holding shears.
No one cares about me more than he does.
No one has hurt me more than he has.
My father reminds me that people learn from mistakes.
My father reminds me that mistakes from people cannot be unlearned.
That the feeling of gunmetal resembles a shard of ice, with the sight of my father’s tear and steady arm being permanently burned into my mind.
That was the moment in my life I was most afraid.
That was the moment in my life I was most loved.