PBR, America’s Beer of Choice
Our Beloved Cheap Beer Takes Us Places and Shapes Our Dreams
They say that human error causes, at least partially, some 90% of road accidents. That’s why there is a strong case for vehicle automation. (Well, that and how boring commuting is.) Machines, after all, don’t make irrational decisions. By the day it seems more and more likely that we will see driverless cars dominate the roads within the next couple decades.
I was reading about self-driving cars one evening after work when I decided I needed a beer. As I cracked open a PBR and sat down in my predictably comfortable armchair, I realized—perhaps tragically? — that this was the moment I most looked forward to on most days. I would picture it in my head before I leave for work, and the image would continue to occupy a portion of my mind throughout the day.
And it isn’t a conscious effort or self-motivating ploy. I don’t actively think about that beer in the context of my daily life; nor do I use it as a way to get through the day. But when I finally reach the Promised Land, I am indisputably in a comfortable state. I suspect that I’m not the only one, that many others have experienced the magic of the easy-drinking PBR.
Try as we might, it’s impossible to elevate PBR to anything more than a cheap beer. Anyone who looks you in the eye and tells you that he or she drinks PBR for pleasure will lie to you about other things. But I’ll be honest here: I drink PBR for pleasure.
Every time I crack open a cold one, it is exactly as I expect it to be. In a world of unlimited uncertain choices, I take pleasure in choosing what I know will never betray me. I’m tired of people — the same ones I escape from in the first place to enjoy this nice, cold tallboy that I deserve — judging me for my taste. I can’t/won’t stop drinking the beer I know to be—
Painful but real. Plain
but right. Perfect beyond
reason. Pabst Blue Ribbon.
— one that I trust and love so much I’ve dedicated a nice little poem to. And what is it about “having other choices” that supposedly excludes this one? Sure, it’s objectively more water than beer, but when’s the last time someone got vilified for buying bottled water (for non-environmental/economic reasons)? Water is widely respected as a drink, so water-beer should be as well.
I still don’t know how I truly feel about self-driving cars. I am kind of afraid they will take away whatever is left of our sense of self-efficacy we derive from driving. But maybe, like the PBR Experience™, we just need something simple. Maybe we deserve to expect — and respect — a consistent, comfortable, and safe journey every time we sit down and let our minds wander.
