Rape Culture: The Human Way?
A response to A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture by Zaron Burnett III
I find myself offended by the assumption that a man become a part of Rape Culture simply by existing as a man. No culture can grow out of a vacuum, and whilst I have little doubt that the practice of rape would continue in the absence of women, it is unlikely that Rape Culture as it is recognised would have flourished without the presence and participation — albeit unwilling — of the female gender
If the next logical step is to realise that rape culture includes all men, then the final step is to arrive at the conclusion that to be human is to be tainted. Zaron’s challenges men to become more than men, yet I find this a clarion call of no particular note, for he exemplifies the human being as the creature without the limitation of living under the Rape Culture banner.
Logically, a human being is, by merely existing, part and parcel to rape and Rape Culture.
This being said, I cannot help but be humoured by the realisation that regardless of the religious, political, economic or social disagreements experienced, all humans may indeed share a unifying culture. It may not be democracy, or materialism, but beggars can’t be choosers.
Even so, should stop begging and choose.
If that choice is to be a mensch (a person of integrity and honour) and therein, of better moral compass than a human, then so be it; but being a mensch is not, I believe, the choice we should be making. To deny our place within Rape Culture would be to play the card of the anthropologist, to whom cultures are to be studied and not interfered with.
For a culture to change, it must happen from within, a precept well demonstrated by the precedent of Mother Church and her spread throughout the colonial world.
Please forgive the interference of religion and history in this train of thought. Conflict has rocked this world for millennia and it is no joke that our own ancestors enacted the age old rule of Rape, Kill, Pillage, Burn — usually in that order — to revenge themselves on their enemies who did the same this in their turn.
‘Would our grandfathers be proud of us?,’ Zaron asks.
I wonder if our grandfathers would even notice, or if they too would be engaged in the cat-calling play.
So, ‘Yes’, I view myself as a part of Rape Culture. What I don’t acknowledge, however, is that I am a threat to anyone purely by my actions, existence, or gender. If I were to — and I usually do — defer to the woman (or man) for whom I open the door, then I do so because I was brought up to be polite.
Similarly, I view it as polite to ensure that you do not scare all those you meet, especially whilst walking when the night is dark and the air is cool. Though I, too, am a large man, I have felt fear at the shuffle behind me, the coughing shadown in the alley or the rustle in the bushes. This is not an an indicator that I am weak or ‘female’, it is merely another facet of being human. To avoid the issue of weakness, or to walk follow silently behind anyone would be to ignore the inherent rights of all humans to an existence free from fear. This in itself is anathema.
To not be polite, is to assume that a colleague, who happens to be a woman, will — by the very qualification of being a woman — inherently know how to explain rape culture, or indeed be willing to talk about it to the wider world. Certainly I, as a modern man — who generally refrains from seeking danger through extreme sport and has learn not to deny his vulnerabilities — would similarly be offended or wary of such a question, especially if it were to come at such a time as this; a time when such terms as ‘Rape Culture’ force us to confront a brutal side of humanity, and perhaps to change how we define ourselves as individuals.
From experience, I can say that the redefinition of oneself is a painful and heart-wrenching process. I can only imagine how painful it would be to deal with the fact that the world on which you exist does not ring true to the structures of your upbringing.
The difficult thing about all of this is that, as with all cultures, Rape Culture cannot exist under a single written definition. The participants, willing or not, define and redefine its existence on a day to day basis — or comment to comment basis with the odd hashtag thrown in to mix up the issue.
Personally, I take a simple view of it. In my mind, Rape Culture is ‘the expectation of the singular to be serviced upon the inclination of desire, which if not attended to may result in offence being taken and insults thrown’.
This may would suggest a sexual tone, but could very easily include the offence taken by Zaron at his wishes of continued correspondence being denied. It says much of him that he refrained from acting on his offence, realised the significant of the exception he found within himself, and felt strongly enough that he could write about it.
To continue the metaphor, he stopped expecting something for nothing, and decided to choose.
Regardless, I would think that to be questioned about such an issue, out of the blue would not likely garner a polite response from anyone. Even I, In my capacity as a poet who has been confronting Rape Culture of late, would not likely respond easily to such a request.
As for the remainder of his article and recommendations, I tend to agree with most of what Zaron has to say, though I am unlikely to refrain from cursing.
My divergences, as with my response to Rape Culture, comes back to definition of self. Expectation flourishes, from the contents of the stocking at Christmas, to the car you drive or to your own sexuality. It is not enough to define your manhood or womanhood. These are merely an erotic reflection of your person.
Define instead, the person you long to be. Realising the stereotype that already shapes your actions is a start, but working to achieve difference will ingrain the habits that will form or deny the person you strive to become.
In all likelihood, you will remain human, but humans are much more than Rape Culture.
As for the remainder, I am unable to comment on the cat-calling or the malicious banter that inhabits a construction site. I am uncomfortable in that social realm and prefer to distance myself. Unlike Rape Culture, to which I am uncomfortably close, the culture of the largely masculine labour force is one I am neither close nor familiar enough with to do other than protest, and promote difference of thought and action.
I will leave such to those who work in that area.
Finally, I must oppose Zaron’s concluding statement:
When something like #YesAllWomen occurs in our cultural conversation and women the world over are out there sharing their experiences, their trauma, their stories and their personal views, as men, we don’t need to enter that conversation. In that moment, all we need to do is listen, and reflect, and let their words change our perspective. Our job is to ask ourselves how we can do better. [Link]
I strongly believe that “when something like #YesAllWomen occurs in our cultural conversation,” then we — whether men, women or simply human — should by all means enter the conversation. Merely listening and reflecting does not a habit form,. To change not only your own perspective, but those of the men (or women) doing the cat-calling then one must have a formed and practised opinion. Argument and reason make a case, and without extensive and continued dialogue, Rape Culture will continue to remain as much a part of humanity as we are of it.
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