Today I am mostly angry

This morning when I pulled my blinds up, I found myself thinking:

“You should write a blog post about the times when you think ‘I’m too busy to meditate today’ being the one time when you really should meditate”.

(Opening my blinds is the trigger habit I use to remind myself to meditate).

But then I went straight downstairs to get breakfast… without meditating.

Oh delicious irony.

Now its 2.37pm, and I haven’t gotten much work done since.

I just went on a bike ride to try and clear my head.

It was going pretty well until a van cut me up whilst I was crossing a roundabout.

Because I was already in a bad mood I found myself saying “Fuck off” as the driver passed me. (Something I try to avoid doing these days, as shouting at bad drivers is a sure fire way to make a dangerous situation worse).

It’s not just the guy in the van I’m angry at.

I’m angry at myself for not getting any work done.

I’m angry at myself for thinking about things instead of actually doing them. (Instead it’s all up here in my head, ratting around between my ears).

I’m angry at myself for letting another day go by without getting any of the things I want to out into the world.

Fuccccccccccccccccck.

You get the idea…

Today I am mostly angry.

I’m writing all these thoughts down because it’s World Mental Health Day.

And I want you to know that it’s ok to be angry.

Just like it’s ok to be any other way you are feeling.

Joyful, exasperated, down in the dumps, over the moon, whatever you want.

We’re not robots, yet.

There’s another reason too…

Writing about things is a great way to work out your feelings.

That’s why I’ve written as honestly as I can about topics like depression, procrastination and imposter syndrome on my blog.

(As much to help myself as to help other people).

As I like to say,writing is like flossing.

We know the benefits — writing gets the mental gunk out, flossing gets the bits of food gunk out — but we don’t make time to do it.

(Note to self: keep writing, keep meditating, keep breathing…. in… and out… in… and out…)

Today I am mostly angry.

But now that I’ve written this down, I feel ok about it.