A Chronicle of App Dating: experience four

La vida de JW
Jul 25, 2017 · 4 min read

dating philosophy: [be honest with yourself, no expectations, enjoy the art of dating, you get out what you put in, expect the unexpected.]

One Sunday, I found myself with three dates on the same day.

I set up my evening with what I anticipated would be the most interesting guy — a Norwegian traveler, slotted in an afternoon at a craft fair with a charming German fellow and threw in a morning coffee date with another German guy at the last minute because…why not?

The thing is I arranged the dates based on my expectations which was of course contrary to my new dating philosophy of not setting expectations. What could go wrong? Almost everything.

I had to drag myself out of bed for the coffee date [not a morning person] and was not particularly enthused about it but I persisted for…well…science. When I arrived to the coffee shop I was a bit taken aback by this man. He was tall, had incredible intense blue eyes, and was strikingly handsome. His app photos were ok, but did him no justice. I had matched with him after looking at all of his photos several times and deciding that maybe he just selected terrible photos. He had.

We had a great conversation, despite the fact that I was still a bit tired. I was unsure if I was giving him a good impression but the date seemed to go well. We had coffee and a light breakfast and walked around the neighborhood. I told him about the history of North Beach, the beatniks, and how SF was losing its hippie charm IMO. We had a great time but I had a few errands to do before my next date which I was already starting to regret having scheduled.

We unwillingly said our goodbyes and exchanged contact information. He invited me to Berlin, offering his home to me, tempting me with a personalized tour of the town and then we went our separate ways.

A few hours later I walked to the craft fair to my second date of the day. I knew this guy wasn’t the cutest, but when I saw him I realized his photos were slightly deceptive. He was not as tall I expected and was slightly balding. This was probably the first time I felt somewhat catfished. He looked like his photos, but they were clearly arranged in a way to hide his insecurities.

We walked through the craft fair at record speed and he asked me to grab coffee afterwards. I reluctantly agreed [why?] and we had one of the most awkward coffee conversations I’ve ever had. I attempted to escape and told him I was going to walk home, but he followed me. He walked with me, going out of his way, until I finally asked him to stop walking with me. Needless to say we haven’t spoken since.

The last date went wrong before it even started with my date going to the wrong bar for some reason. When he finally arrived I again felt catfished. His photos were taken from specific angles that made him appear to be much cuter than he was in real life. We shared one drink and then I went home as fast as I could. I know what you’re thinking but I’m not shallow, I just don’t like being deceived.

This day was exhausting and I decided it probably wasn’t a good idea to go on three dates in one day. [I have since done this again against my better judgement, more on that in a future post.]

Also, more importantly, I learned a few things:

  1. Not to go on a date just for the sake of going on a date. Time is precious and I’m not desperate.
  2. Don’t set myself up to fail. I unknowingly created my own disappointment by expecting what each date would be like.
  3. Dating is tiring. Learning about someone new and sharing details about myself if exhausting. Mentally and physically. This is a marathon not a sprint.

This day of dates came just two weeks before a summer vacation that I had planned and I decided to take a break until then to try my hand at international dating again. I was heading to Barcelona, Athens, Mykonos and Santorini and while I didn’t want to set expectations being in Europe for me is like a kid being in a candy shop.

La vida de JW

Written by

Writer. Explorer. Yogi. Art Enthusiast. Dog lover.

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