This right here!! Somewhere packed up in the meaning of monogamy has been this notion that you are only meant or made to desire ONE other person on the planet otherwise you’re a scum filled human being headed to hell. It wasn’t until I really started reading about poly, non-monogamy, bdsm, had two years of therapy and spent the past four years with a woman who I’m absolutely in love with did I begin to realize that acceptance of yourself is really the first step in what you’re describing here.
Losing the feeling of shame associated with my desires is a first step in deepening my understanding of them. I still battle with that shame because that lie of only desiring one other lives in me, in smaller ways now than when I was younger. I’ve been learning to come to terms with my desires and how to loop my girlfriend in, but I’ve still got a ways to go.
This quote sums up beautifully where I believe we’re headed. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to move towards poly to be honest. My interest in it has always revolved around the fact that I don’t believe that monogamy as it was taught to me is healthy or sustainable, so anything that wasn’t monogamy sounded good since I am still filled with distrust about it as an institution.
Non-monogamy has a nice ring to it…