Congratulations Tuqire for the courage to speak the truth. As an older (47 yr old) seeker after truth, I am still seeking a real shaikh or peer, having been on the quest since the age of 18 or so. I too have travelled up and down the UK and went through numerous Sufi groups looking for a man who could take me to God, but most of them and their mureeds were cults as they are today. The desperate need for glory and power and recognition of each group was anathema to the concept of the annihilation or destruction of the self (the nafs). Many peers are travelling in the most expensive Mercedes, one in Blackburn travels in helicopters, horsedrawn carriages with the most mesmerising splendour, having siphoned off funds from their followers. In return they get nothing.
The truth of sufism is that it is not an easy path. Everything has to be surrendered in order to draw closer to Allah and for some of us it is a completely lonely path comprising of solitude, silence, pray and meditation. We have to leave our loved ones who are not interested in the truth, we have to leave our friends who are stuck in the material world and in some cases we have to abandon our mosques, where tribal based committees and boring jumma speeches related to financial collections draw us further away from reality.
Well done for writing this article and keep going. I have drawn strength from the following on my path to Him. Sufi Magazine, the Quran and the Dalail ul Khairaat recitation daily, a very deep look at my diet;(no tea, coffee, sugar, reduced meat intake), no sex, no debting, refraining from compulsive work and trying to tease out my own authentic self which was stifled shortly after birth. Coming out of denial about our past also helps.
I wish all seekers after truth well on this arduous, difficult and less travelled path.