True Love Is Not A Fantasy
Last time on The Bachelor it was fantasy suite night. For those of you who do not watch this program, Ben Higgins is the bachelor and there are now only two ladies left who are seeking to be the one he chooses to be his wife. Weeks ago there were 28 beautiful ladies seeking the honor. Before, that number had slowly been reduced to just three. All three ladies had expressed to Ben that they were in love with him. As a reward, each was given the opportunity to spend the night with him in the fantasy suite.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette Way Is Not The Better Way
The Bachelor/Bachelorette television series has been a very popular program for 30 seasons. During those 30 seasons there have been 30 couples who have reached a finale where either the bachelor or the bachelorette have selected a member of the opposite sex as a life partner. To break it down, of the 19 bachelor seasons, there has been only one success where the bachelor has actually entered into a successful marriage with the lady he ended up with at the end of the season. Furthermore, of the 11 bachelorette seasons, there were only two successes.
Are you surprised? Not me. There are many reasons why the Bachelor/Bachelorette way is not the way to find true love. Let me discuss with you a few reasons.
Beauty Is only Skin Deep
The basic premise of the Batchelor/Bachelorette production is all wrong. Let us take the bachelor problem first. You select one handsome man and put him in several exotic places with up to 28 of the most beautiful women you can find. He spends several hours alone with each of these women. It is very easy for him to develop physical chemistry with most of them. But how well can he actually get to know them? I am reminded of a wonderful movie entitled “Shenandoah.” James Stewart is a rancher who has an 18 year-old daughter who has fallen love with a young man. The young man has come to James Stewart’s ranch to ask for the hand of the daughter in marriage. James Stewart asks him, “Do you like her?” “I love her,” responds the young man. “That’s not good enough,” says James Stewart. “When I first married my daughter’s mother I did not love her, but I liked her, a lot. And it took me three years to realize how much I had learned to love her.”
I am not suggesting that the story above is the answer. I am only suggesting that people need time to develop the right kind of love. It is not going to happen in just a short period of time. True love is not the same thing as physical attraction. After a period of time, the physical attraction will die if there is not true love developed to sustain it.
This same principle applies in the situation of the Bachelorette. A beautiful girl has to choose one out of twenty-five handsome men. She needs to find the goodness and sweetness that may or may not be present in him. After all, marriage must be for the rest of their life to be successful.
Bachelor/Bachelorette Is A Fierce Competition
Another reason that this is not the way to find true love is because there is a real doubt as to what is in the heart of each competitor. I call them competitors because no holds barred, they want to win. How can you be sure that they are not there to win, rather than for true love? Normally, when you first meet someone, you date casually until a time comes when both decide to be exclusive. At that time competition ceases. She is only thinking of him, and he is only thinking of her. She might have some interference from members of her family, but there should not be somebody trying to steal away her love.
Take the case of Ben and Olivia. In the first few weeks of their relationship, he saw something special in her and gave her 3 special roses. It was obvious to the other women that Olivia had the inside track. So, how did the other girls react? They did not only criticize Olivia among themselves but even told Ben Higgins of their feelings. What was their motivation? To get an advantage.
And then there was Amanda. They started talking about how she was not right for Ben because she had 2 small daughters. I have no idea as to the mindsets of Olivia and Amanda, but it is obvious that they never had a fair chance. Ben told Olivia when he dumped her that his feelings for her had not progressed. Hogwash! He did not have the strength of character to tell those interfering women to get lost.
The Fantasy Suite Introduces Infidelity Into The Relationship
Another reason that the formula does not work is because of the fantasy suite. These women are not stupid. They know that they were not the only one to enjoy the fantasy suite. They know that just hours before or after they slept with their prospective spouse in the fantasy suite, he was doing the same with two other girls. If they did not know it before, they certainly knew it when the program is shown on national television to millions of watchers. You will notice that most of the failures occur three or more months after the end of the season. How can the prospective spouse have any confidence that the Bachelor/Bachelorette will not choose to be unfaithful again and again?
The Person He Fell In Love With Is Not The Same Person
You take 26 or more beautiful people and place them in a series of exotic places and what you have is complete fantasy. Those 25 or more prospective spouses make that one person feel like he or she is really somebody special. They aren’t! After the dream is over, they soon realize that he or she is not much different than the hundred or so others they had previously dated. They have come back to earth. Ben Higgins had previously said before this season that he had never before fallen in love. When he has had some time to think about it, he is going to realize it is the game and not the reality that has made him feel the way that he is now feeling. The Bachelor/Bachelorette television series should be ashamed. What kind of example are they showing to the youth of America? So, what is their motivation? The almighty dollar.