NaNoWriMoDay 20- The Shoes of Baltimore

Jamie was physically at school the next day, but he wasn’t there mentally. He was consumed of replaying the events of last night over and over again. Jamie still couldn’t believe he what had happened, and even worse, he had no one to talk about it with.

DeSean was dead. Jamie would never see him again. He thought about how DeSean’s mom would never see him again, but she also wouldn’t know how he was killed. She would also be stuck in agony for weeks, months, or years, wondering if he would ever come home.

He was the only son of his mother and father.

Jamie stayed in his seat for a few moments after everyone else left school for the day when the final bell rang. He was not looking forward to walking back home and carrying out whatever mission Trevor wanted.

This was going to be his life now. Doing whatever Trevor wanted, serving his every whim. Would he be able to get out of this if he told his mom? He knew originally he had made the right decision not to tell her. And he was still glad he didn’t because Trevor showed he could reach his mom whenever he wanted. But what if he just told her that they need to get in the driver and drive away? What if he told her that they just need to leave everything behind them? Would she believe him. Jamie couldn’t see how his mom would just take off and leave. She would think it’s some trick or scam. She would think he might have got kicked out of school or got a girl pregnant. She would need to investigate what he was saying before just leaving. By the time she did, it would probably be too late. Trevor could have the house bugged for all Jamie knew. So he could hear Jamie’s mom the moment she would call the police or call someone about Jamie trying to leave.

He was trapped. There was no way out.

Jamie couldn’t even try to kill Trevor. He knew if he tried to, his men would just retaliate and kill his mom.

Jamie realized he just had to accept it. He was going to work for Trevor Gatz for the rest of his life. And, he also had to accept that it might be a brief life.

So there was no way out of working for Trevor. But he did think he found a way to make sure his mom was protected. He could find a way to keep her safe.

When he got back home, Jamie decided he was going to get in a massive fight with his mom. Hopefully, this would be the fight that she was waiting for to kick him out. Jamie decided he was going to buy some marijuana off of one of the older kids behind school at the end of the day and smoke it in his house before his mom got home. Jamie decided to leave school early and skip his last few classes. Hopefully they would notify his mom that he wasn’t there for the full day, which would already get her close to the edge of kicking him out. And then when she saw him smoking, that would be it.

He went him, pulled out the punch of Dutch Masters he bought from a different kid at school, pulled out the weed, and then started to roll it. The tears were streaming down his face. He wasn’t sure where he was going to go after his mom kicked him out. He also didn’t know what he was going to do for most of the day now that he decided not to go to school. Maybe Trevor would just work him night and day. Jamie decided then to keep it a secret from Trevor that he was going to stop going to school, but he knew that somehow Trevor would still find out. So that at least helped Jamie feel like he had a little control over how he played things. He would just have to stay out of enough trouble not to get noticed. He would need to make sure that they didn’t run him through the system and saw that he was missing. He also didn’t want the state trying to place him in a foster home because he still had a few years before he was 18.

He wanted the house to have a definitive smell as to what he had been doing before his mother had come home, so he started smoking throughout the house an hour before she was supposed to arrive. He even did it a little bit in her room to try and make her hate him. He knew if he could get his mom to lose that last bit of hope for him, he would have a clean break. He rolled and lit another one after he finished his first one. He was working on this third when his mother finally got back.

“Really? I don’t know why.” She was on the phone as she was walking in the door. She immediately stopped, looking into a cloud of smoke. The smell started to fill her nostrils.

“Yes,” she said through gritted teeth. “I’m actually looking at him right now. Thank you for calling and let me know. Whatever you decide in terms of detention, I’m in support of it. Thank you.”

She hung up. “What the hell do you think you’re doing!”

Jamie’s mom didn’t even give him a chance to say anything. There wasn’t any reasons why he could defend himself, but she wasn’t even going to give him the chance even if he wanted to. “Do you know who I just got off the phone with? she shouted. “It was the school. They told me you skipped every class after lunch. To do what Jamie? To do what? This? This! If that’s how you want to live your life, fine, but you aren’t; going to do it here.”

Jamie knew she was leading up to telling him to leave. But, he was worried that she might cave in after a few hours and go looking for him. Jamie had to find a way to make this permanent. He needed to say something that would cut her to the core and she would never forgive.

“I can see why dad left us. I can’t stand your bitching either.” That would do.

Jamie’s mom was thinking about possibly caving herself. She might tell him to go sleep on the streets, but she would be out there looking for him within a few hours if he didn’t come back home.

However, this was it. She just couldn’t let him keep making these decisions and live under her roof. And when he made that remark about his father, Jamie’s mom couldn’t believe how ungrateful he was.

But she didn’t scream and yell like Jamie had expected.

She looked at him. Calmly, she said, “I think it would be best for both of us if you left. You don’t seem to have any interest for me to try and help you, and I’m not going to sit here any longer wand watch you destroy your life while you disrespect me. All of the money I make from now on is just going to go to me. So please, get whatever you can carry in your backpack, leave, and don’t come back. I don’t want to ever see you again.”

Jamie ran upstairs. It wasn’t because he was trying to quickly leave. He would try and stay as long as he could to savor everything. The reason he ran upstairs was to hid his tears.

He had basically sketched out the basics of what he would need, and he had already put most of it in his backpack. But because he wanted to make sure that his mom had no way of knowing this was planned out, he looked for little things he could squeeze in the backpack. When he had found everything he could, he saw his mom in the doorway.

“Are you done?” She had no emotion in her voice. Jamie could tell that she had officially given up on him. Over the last few years she had trained for this moment, and it was serving her well. As far as she was concerned right now, her son was dead and she was accepting of that and going to treat it like it was a fact. If anyone asked her if she had any children, she would tell people she did but that he died. The people close to her wouldn’t judge her for what she did. They knew he was a handful. And everyone else she met would just think her son was actually dead.

He couldn’t look at his mom without crying. He walked down the steps, and he was determined to not look back at his mom when he got to the door. But he broke down, and looked at her. They just stared at each other. She crossed her arms across her chest, a gesture to show that Jamie would not be getting past her to try and get to the rest of the house. That part of his life was over. He would never come back her again. He was on the verge of crying again, and he couldn’t wait for her to say anything. He knew he had to get out of there or he might break dow and tell her everything. “Goodbye mom,” he said as he walked out the door.

“Goodbye Jamie she said.”

Jamie stood on the step and looked down at his shoes. His mom had gotten those shoes for him for his birthday. She had to work a double shift for two straight weeks to afford the, but she was still able to get them for him. Jamie didn’t know why, but he decided he wanted to leave these. He wanted his mom to have this mento to remember him. Hopefully she would take it that way.

Jamie got a page. He called the number and was told to meet Trevor Gatz in the spot. He got in the car.

“What happened to your shoes?” Trevor asked.

“About that,” Jamie said. “I need a new pair. Can I get an advance?”