The Shoes of Baltimore (NaNoWriMo Day 9)

“Everyone in your world was just waiting to be hurt Alibaster. And the most dangerous thing of all was you didn’t do it out of malice. Oh no. That seemed to leave you as you got older. You found that you got more joy from simply not caring and letting everyone around you get crushed in the aftermath of your bad decisions. That was far worse Alibaster. Simply not caring how your actions hurts others is far, far worse. You owned a lot of things Alibaster. I’ll give you that. Things can’t make you happy. But those things can impress you. Remember when I first brought Samantha to your new place? Oh, I wasn’t sure if she ever but in to your bull shit Alibaster. We most certainly made fun of you behind your back. She thought you were too full of yourself. When you weren’t looking at our dinners and made those corny jokes or would brag about yourself, she would role her eyes. I would laugh to myself. We would discuss your foolishness when we got home that night. But you know things were difficult Alibaster. My job at the paper wasn’t easy. Hours and hour spent each night. So much missed time with the family. I did everything I could for them, but that started to drive us apart. I wasn’t there to watch my children grow. I wasn’t there to support my with when she needed it. We both worked, but had a hard time just making ends meet. But we told ourselves it would be worth it. We told ourselves that all that hard work would be worth it when we retired. We put off short-term gratification so we could be happy in old age. We wouldn’t need a lot. Just enough to get by and be together without having to worry about the bills. Then we were going to travel Alibaster. It had been 10 years since we took a vacation when I turned 38. And that’s when she saw that gaudy house of yours Alibaster. With the Mercedes, all the excess. It looked like Scarface’s house. Who did you think you were? I smirked as soon as we entered your driveway. I made fun of you to Samantha as we walked up the stairs. But there was something different about her now. She was just so tired. She raised three children and still went to work. I raised them to, but she was the one always coordinating the schedule and running the household. That takes a toll on you. And when she snapped at me for making fun of you, I knew things were going to be different. Samantha told me that I shouldn’t be so judge mental. She told me that I just sounded jealous and petty now. She told me that I needed to focus on myself. She said I was too fixated on you. Oh Alibaster. That’s when I knew I was losing her. That’s when I knew she had changed. But I never expected the outcome. I never expected such a crazy series of events to spiral things so far out of control. And of course, it was your selfishness once again Alibaster that brought all this pain an suffering to everyone in your world. Even if you weren’t involved in my daily life, you ended up inserting yourself into my future. I saw how Samantha was much warmer towards you that night. How she laughed at your jokes instead of rolling her eyes. His wife must have notice it. I saw her shoot you a death glare. She knew the first signs of Alibaster’s unfaithfulness. Maybe he had wanted you all along. But I don’t know if it was an attraction that caused him to pay attention to you. I believe his motive was to hurt me. That’s all there was. But I never knew your greed and your lack of care for those around you could extend to such treachery. I never knew the pain you caused could cut so deep. Before you were just hard to be around. But now, you were a simple callous killer of love. You put the knife in me Alibaster! You put the knife in and twisted and turned it. Even though I was dead inside, you kept looking for new places to poke me. You looked for any shred of hope or dignity or love that I had left, and stabbed it mercilessly until it all bleed out. I knew in my heart what was going on between you an Samantha. At first, I didn’t want to believe it. I just wanted to be in denial. People knew something was up, but they couldn’t put their finger on it. When they asked how she was or why she wasn’t at the house, I would make excuses. I would say she’s busy at work. I would see she’s out with friends, getting a much needed night out. I started hoping these lies I told others became true. Maybe her distance and avoidance of me was really her catching up on work. Maybe it was true when she went out and said she was with friends, she was really with friends. When she left her phone after leaving for the night and got that message, that’s when I knew the truth Alibaster. I picked it up. I wasn’t trying to intrude her privacy. I just had planned to put it on her nightstand so she would know where it was when she returned if I wasn’t awake when she got him. But the message from you saying you couldn’t wait to see her. The message saying you couldn’t wait to touch her sexy ass. That paralyzed me Alibaster. I held the phone in my hand for over an hour and couldn’t move. It crushed my entire being. It crushed who I was. We had built a life together. We were a team. Who was I without Samantha, Alibaster? Who? And what really made me sad was your wife. She knew about it to, but simply stopped caring. She had become so jaded and warped by the terrible world you created that couldn’t feel sympathy for anyone else. She felt it was too much of an inconvenience to warn me. To tell me what was going on. She was turning into another one of the souls that had been so crushed by you that they were simply existing. Living had no appeal. How did you have such powers over people Alibaster? How were you able to do such evil! Curse you Alibaster! Curse you! You took my world away from Alibaster! You took someone so sweet and corrupted her. Was that your plan all along? Was this a long con Alibaster? DId you only not pretend to care, allowing me to put down my guard, never suspecting what you were longing for my sweet Samantha. Did you ever really care for her? Oh, Alibaster. The worst thought wasn’t that she was with you. That hurt. But what destroyed me Alibaster was that you didn’t even care for her. If she were to leave me, I would hope it would be with someone who would care for her. Treat her the way she deserved. But no. she had to end up with you. We couldn’t work it out. How could we! I looked pathetic. I yelled at her at first. But then I pleaded. Oh, how I pleaded. I looked pathetic, Alibaster. It would have made you ecstatic. I’m sure she must have told you. There I was, weeping like a child, exactly like a child. Like a little baby. I couldn’t understand the world around, much like a child. All I could do was weep while the women I love neglected me. I just couldn’t comprehend what why things had been so good and ended up so bad. But it was all because of you. All because of you! Because of you! Because of you! Because of you! Damn you Alibaster! Damn you! I tried to forgive you. I know it’s been so long since these attacks on my life have taken place. These trespasses against the very decency of humanity. I did pay to see a therapist. I should have made you pay for it Alibaster. But she told me I had to forgive you. She said I could never get past what happened if I didn’t forgive. She also said that I would always be stuck in the past if I wasn’t able to move forward.”

Mr. Powell stopped talking. He looked around, as if he was coming out of a dream. He wasn’t quite sure where he was or how he got there. He stood, looking at the parking meter he had been yelling out for the past hour. He didn’t realize he had been yelling at this parking meter for the last hour, believing it to be his dead brother Alibaster.

But the clarity soon left Mr. Powell…

“Samantha, I only went out for one beer. Yes dear. I know I said I would be back sooner, but I haven’t seen Adam in so long. You know he doesn’t get out often because he just bought that house and Ronald was born just a few months ago. This was just our one time this year we can most likely hang out. Now, Samantha, there is no reason to get jealous. You know I love you! Oh, really? You just can’t get over it, can you? I told you that I was drunk and it was the biggest mistake of my life. And all I did was kiss her, an that was it. Nothing else happened. And it’s not like you turn away the guys hitting on you at the bar! You let them dangle long enough to get compliments before letting them know you’re married. I know your little games! But we don’t need to be treating each other like this, Samantha.”