“THINK OF IT LIKE SOME DUMB POETRY”
Sorry if this sounds selfish, but i guess is kinda is. I was really looking forward to driving to warnambool with you. Ever since you mentioned it, ive been excited about it. I know its not the most exciting thing to do, but to me it is. Because it means i get to spend time with you, get to know you better and get to know your family. And that means everything to me. When you told me we wont be going, i felt so deflated. I know its for the best, and we'll go again soon. But to me it was something that made this week worthwhile. It made me want to get out of bed. It gave me something to look forward to.
I know its stupid to be pissed off at such a small thing, and i feel ashamed that i am so affected by it. But i cant apologise for loving you and wanting to be with you. Every time im with you, you bring be infinite joy. Every time we hang out i feel so happy, and i forget about down i was feeling or how much of a dickhead i am. Every time we part i can only think about seeing you again. Please dont get me wrong. I dont want to change you, because its you that i fell madly in love with. I dont want to be clingy. I don't want to be annoying. But every week i dont see you, breaks my heart. I long to smile and laugh with you. I long to hold hands and hug you. Sometimes i yearn for you so much, I feel it in my body. I want to be your best friend and lover.
I know you love me, just as I love you. And thats so much more than I could ever ask for. So thank you for giving me that gift. Maybe im just feeling this way at the moment because of all the change thats going on in my life at the moment. You know, the new job, finishing uni, maybe moving out. Maybe i crave stability. I look at you and i see such a strong woman. I am utterly in awe with the way you have taken control of your life, and the conviction you have to make your passions and goals realities. You are amazing.
Ive never been an emotional person. And never been very happy with who i am. Ive never been very strong person, in any sense of the word. I've never opened up fully to anyone before, i guess because ive never felt comfortable or that i can trust them. Im sorry i cant say this to your face, because as soon as i start i dont know what to say. But i feeI i can trust you. I feel i can open up to you fully, and i want to, because i love you. I need help. Help to become a better person, friend, lover, musician and everything else... I hope as i work on these things you can be there with me.
I hope this gushing rant doesn't freak you out, because you mean the whole world to me, and as i better myself i want you to be here with me. You and me against the world hey? Haha
I love you, lets share this world as lovers and best friends x