I’ve had to learn how to fight when the will to fight has got up and left, simply to survive acute illness post surgery, or the surgeries themselves in the first instance. That is being backed into a corner but everything in me screams “fight”…. Except after my first surgery as an adult in 2008, when I was disappointed to survive.
Continually after I got home, there was no fight in me. Sheer exhaustion saw to that. Even then I’d have to problem solve over and over again just to stay independent.
Even after accepting carers/caregivers I’d always be pushing them to let me live my life my way… problem solving new symptoms and learning people skills all at the same time. I had to think on my feet (well, wheels) and lack of communication between various parties just added to my burden. I hurt good people. They hurt me. Repairing that required the acquisition more skills, and even more creative thinking. That’s Without people’s livelihoods depending on me. Except when I direct-hired assistants and then became an employer. I still remember the nightmares. Not a business, but still, livelihoods depended on me.
Nowadays, problem solving is still necessary several times a week… someone else takes care of me, and I moved into a shared house /nursing home. Just wasn’t worth fighting anymore. I’m the freest to think creatively I’ve been in a long time, a definite upside.