Don’t Read This
What do you do if someone tells you not to think about a blue elephant? They say, “Don’t think of a blue elephant!” Now here you are, most likely, with an image of a blue elephant in your mind. Ok, but don’t think about the blue elephant wearing sunglasses and ballet slippers, OK? Just don’t.
Are you reading this?! Didn’t I say not to? This story is even called Don’t Read This, Ha. But you couldn’t resist, could you?
Knowing how information is processed in our brains and how we edit our thoughts to satiate our curiosity is important. When we understand how our thoughts work, we can enhance our clarity of mind and well-being by letting go of unimportant jibber jabber. That’s why you should keep on reading!
Say someone carelessly and naively says something to you that brings up negative thoughts and bad feelings; you can be attentive to pause and turn the feelings around. Here are some tips on how;
Someone says, “Don’t picture a blue elephant with sunglasses wearing ballet slippers; just don’t” Your brain will struggle to conjure the image anyway. Do we need to attach to the thought of the blue elephant in sunglasses and ballet slippers? No, it means nothing to us, just an example to illustrate a point. We pause and let it go. It’s the same as our personal outdated bad feelings and thoughts! Especially those that feel like we are under siege and personally being attacked. Life is too short to live through an illusion that feels like a war.
Now someone says something that seems more personal to you, like, “You look so tired; you better rest,” (on a day you are feeling fine!) or they might say, “Don’t burn out!” right when you were thinking about how well-rested you are feeling and your energy level plunges because you take in their words afraid that you might burn out! Ha. Or, “Don’t take on more than you can handle; how could you keep up that schedule at your age?” Or, “Don’t even try; you need a master's degree for that.” Or “Don’t worry about those things; you are too young (too old, too smart, too immature, too, too, too.” Or a million different statements that might push your buttons and perhaps set you back as you strive to push forward and keep on track! People will thoughtlessly push their own agendas and fears onto others; it’s true. So what to do? Do nothing and disengage! Get over it as soon as possible and move on. Always remember that other people's thoughts and words are useless to you unless they resonate with interest, truth, or wisdom. They are as valuable as the blue elephant in sunglasses if they don't.
They are just words, yet some of us have sore spots, “buttons” that can be pushed. Old, easy-to-identify triggers no longer relevant in our lives should be easy to let go of, correct? Yes, they should be, but they are not always! It takes practice. It takes time to decide what IS real, what is NOT real, and what is not only real but important. The stuff we think about that is not real and makes us sad, mad, or brings us down in any way can be described as “thinking that’s stinking!”
First, we must always consider what is real versus an illusion. If it’s real, it’s happening in the present time. Not something from the past or something that may or may not happen in the future. Next, we ask, is it in or out of our control? If it’s out of our control, we can pray for a positive outcome and let it go. And if it’s happening and in our control, we can decide what are intelligent steps to take moving forward. That is how we can organize our thoughts.
In our control or not in our control? That is the question! We can do hard things because we can look back and see we have survived so much loss, pain, and heartbreak. How can we make sure that we stay on the up and up?
We must take care of ourselves first; it takes a pause to choose not to react but respond appropriately. What if everyone responded with a pause followed by a neutral, kind place of love? How would the world be, then?
Here is an article to explain this way of thinking to reduce anxiety: https://www.heysigmund.com/dont-think-of-pink-elephants-the-secret-to-replacing-negative-thinking-with-brave-thinking/
This morning I logged into my daily 7 AM group meditation. I woke up fresh and feeling fine! My energy was high, and my mind was clear as I set up my day.
Our teacher, Bob Roth, said he would read a story that was sent to TM.org from Lea. I do transcendental meditation (TM.org) each morning with this group. I will call the author, Lea, and paraphrase her story. Lea is out in the world meditating each morning somewhere, like me. She sent in a story that took place one morning as she was driving to work. Bob felt moved to read it to us. How many hundreds or thousands perked up to hear her story? I don’t know—many, though, since sometimes there are up to 6K meditators on Zoom.
It went like this; Lea had just meditated, got into her car, and started off to work. She felt calm and present as she noticed her gas tank was about half full; she pulled in for gas. She wasn’t stressed because the low gas tank light went on like it often does in my vehicle! She had time to spare and spoke with the gas station attendant. In the past, they exchanged a quick hello or good morning, and that’s it. This morning, she was interested in where he was from and asked him. He said he was from Pakistan. He was smiling and happy that she engaged in conversation. He told her he was lucky, rich, successful, and happy. He told her that the key to life is never comparing yourself to others.
Lea’s story was a typical morning's sequence of events, yet there was a higher message. He told her to be happy, not to compare herself with others. At first, my “takeaway” from the story was how concisely and carefully this story was written. Later Bob would mention that the staff edited her story, which made sense. The story was about being synchronized with the order of the natural universe, just moving along with an open heart, moment to moment. Her morning was mundane yet flawless. She was about to pull away from the gas station, buzzing with this fine person’s positive outlook and ruminating on the life lesson he shared, To not judge or compare ourselves with others.
Just then, a small miracle occurred! She was about to drive out of the station when suddenly, a white van drove into the gas station and pulled up in front of her. There was a symbol of a giant bee on the side with the word apiary. Just that same morning before our silent meditation started, Bob had been telling us about nature’s magic; his morning focus was on the miraculous lives of bees! It was a sign! Her story ended with a symbolic message from the universe that stitched everything together and made her story complete. We are nature; we can rise above the noise and connect to a higher place when we are well, present, and calm. If we allow this synchronicity, we are alive and aligned with all nature, including the bees. Bees do not compare or judge. They are bees. Like bees, humans are simply nature with a highly complex way of thinking, which can lead to overthinking and anxiety.
Lea shared her here-and-now story as a gift to us listeners. Bob loved it! There are no insecurities or inferior thoughts in a peaceful place of presence. We hush our insecurities and coddle the metaphorical child we carry within. We all get a little scared sometimes, but we are adults who know how to live a real lifetime. Our childhood happened long ago. This place of connectivity is always available if we allow ourselves to be here now, not back then or in what might be.
But here’s the paradox. Though her story was lovely, and her writing and message moved us and kept us engaged, how many were somehow comparing themselves? How many hundreds, maybe thousands of thinkers and writers were dissecting her message, how she set up her story, and perhaps even a little jealous, even asking themselves why her letter was chosen and read? Our egos want to matter.
Haven't we all had simple moments of grace when symbolic imagery shows us our universal synchronicity? Once we are quiet and still and regularly meditate, we are present in time and can capture and notice these small miracles.
Our simple moments when we align with nature and are happy are based on K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Sweetheart!). Life is simplified, easy, and when not compared to others, it results in more gratitude and optimism. Don’t form a judgment of someone. It might temporarily cause you to feel better or worse about yourself. But it’s an illusion to feed a desperate and insecure ego. That's all.
Recently, I had a run-in with a difficult person at work. I had never met her before, yet her tone was demeaning, and her words were combative. I refuse to work or live in a hostile environment, and nothing she did or said could be taken personally since I had never met her before. Yet, it was an uncomfortable encounter, and I could pause, disengage completely and move away from her energy field. That is all.
Never assume another’s perspective. If you judge another who you don’t know, and their existence threatens you, you must look within. It’s not about the other but something in you. Often it’s fear of the unknown. Fear of others who might threaten you. It’s a primitive flight or fight response from our days of Neanderthals, dinosaurs, saber tooth tigers, and lizard brains that needed to fight to survive. When we judge another at face value, 99.9% of the time, we are wrong because we don’t know their background.
Don’t-equals-Do! When we are told not to, we do. We do compare; it is human nature to judge and compare the same way a honey bee gathers pollen to make honey. We often default to our old ways of acting and responding. Comparing ourselves to others gives us an idea of who we are and how we are doing in the world. It’s the law of relativity. I am tall; you are taller. I have blonde hair; yours is brown. If someone is richer, seems smarter, or is in better health or physical shape, we can use that comparison to better ourselves (if envy comes up) and leave that innocent person out of the equation.
Who still has a child’s voice inside that will shout, “Hey, what about me?!” That is when our adult self can find evolved wisdom. This wisdom comes from a place where the beauty of another’s experience and story transcends itself. We can purely appreciate and no longer judge and negatively compare our lives when we live from a place of pure presence. The person who is sad and crying, “How about me?” is an outdated impression of an abandoned or cheated child we might still carry within. Embrace that little child and love it. Tell her or him that they are safe and you are taking care of things now that you are an adult. Give your inner child a lot of love.
After Bob read that letter to my TM group, I felt slightly annoyed with myself. I thought, “How could I write something worthy to share with Bob?”
I compared myself to the writer, Lea, even though the happy-go-lucky gas station man said not to compare our situations to anyone else’s, and a million self-help books say not to. What is the point of comparing? To torture ourselves, apparently! I quickly took the opportunity as a lesson to understand our human nature. I also found this article helpful and will share it here again; https://www.heysigmund.com/dont-think-of-pink-elephants-the-secret-to-replacing-negative-thinking-with-brave-thinking/
Conversely, what if OUR stories were read instead of Lea’s?! Can we be thankful, move our egos aside, and accept the moment of gratitude with grace? Perhaps some people are charged with a need to win at any cost. Yet the key is being grateful for Lea’s gift of sharing her story and being together to hear it. Isn’t that camaraderie enough?
We each possess the ability to share eloquently and beautifully. We can choose to perform random acts of kindness each day, and when we do reach out to help another, we fill up with more light and energy to give.
This is how I want my world to be—just kind. Enough for everyone and knowledge that the universe supports us. The infinite flow of light and love keeps the world spinning around. Kindness is like a fresh stream of water flowing from the heart, relieving others’ thirst. I hope my words are thirst-quenching in some way. That is my wish. Nam Jai!
Nam Jai translates as “water from the heart.” An important concept from Thai culture. (Thank you, Bob Roth!)
LoveLife, Jackie
