Making Fun of Millennials is SO 2012

We’re here. Get over it.

Look, I get it business people.

You don’t understand Millennials. You’ve written countless articles on that fact alone.

Unfortunately, instead of asking yourselves why we are like this, you go the easy route of, “LOL at these kids and their social media/always getting a trophy/living with their parents.”

I won’t get into how expensive college is, or how minimum wage is a joke, or even how full-time jobs are as common as finding a $100 bill on the street.

Instead, let’s look at what you often complain about us:

  1. You are confused on why we aren’t rushing to follow in your footsteps of college → job → marriage → babies → work → retire.

Why aren’t Millennials buying cars/houses?!” you ask.

Have you ever considered why it isn’t appealing? Maybe because all of you are so miserable. You’re all medicated, caffeinated, and our generation has watched the downfall.

You forget that we are the generation of kids who were in the home while divorce rates skyrocketed, companies our parents were working for gave them the middle finger as soon as the economy went down, your 401K plans got kicked in the balls, and your health is the worst.

So marriage, company loyalty, and sitting all day every day sound just as much fun as shooting myself in the foot. Why are we “delaying adulthood?” BECAUSE IT LOOKS HORRIBLE.

2. We have been marketed to since birth, this is why you can’t sell to us.

Advertising for this generation is essentially like white noise.

You forget that we are the generation that as soon we came out the womb, we were plopped in front of a television.

What’s on TV? Ads. Lots and lots and lots of ads. Most of those ads had cute little characters that we bonded with as children.

If you don’t understand that brands are becoming humanized, I don’t know what to tell you. Gary Vaynerchuk gets it, and lots of Millennials love the shit out of him.

I have no numbers to back this, but I would guess that about 90% of the people who hate Millennials hate us because we don’t buy from their company and they refuse to understand how to sell to us.

Why do we love social media? Because marketers haven’t 100% ruined it yet. As Facebook becomes more business-oriented, Millennials will be out of there. The younger generation already is leaving.

3. Within the next two decades, we will have most of the buying and political power.

When we are passionate about something, we are passionate.

(Note: This article isn’t about whether one political party is better, this is simply an observation of how people don’t get Millennials, especially when it comes to politics)

Have you heard of some guy named Barack Obama? Yeah, that was us.

Why him? Because Romney showed that he didn’t understand Millennials at all. Borrow money from our parents for college? What world does he live in? Most of us Millennials will have to pay for our parents in retirement, not the other way around.

Had he simply said, “Those college loans are really tough. I want to help students.” He probably could have made a huge landslide with Millennials. But instead, his people listened to polls, which said he was kicking ass, so he didn’t worry. Millennials don’t take polls, we go to social media.

Let’s check Twitter real quick:

Romney: 1.5 million followers.

Obama: Almost 40 million followers.

How was this not a factor in the polls? Because news outlets still refuse to take Millennials and social media seriously.Will they pay attention in 2016, or be utterly baffled again?

Politics for Millennials is really easy: We vote for who understands us. Elizabeth Warren fighting for college students? I wouldn’t underestimate her by a long shot, especially if Millennials turned up the way they did for Obama.

It’s pretty simple: Fight for us and we will go to our Twitter-Facebook-social media machine stuff and make magic happen.

Millennials found this blog hilarious:

It might help Hillary if she can leverage that.

This all also applies to Cory Booker. He listens and responds. There is zero magic, and it is that simple.

Also with politics, don’t forget that one day our generation will be voting on whether Social Security should even be a thing anymore. And since Forbes says you are going to be in poverty once you retire, you may want to examine your rhetoric.

Poor in retirement? You guys should have worked harder and not feel so entitled. (See? That advice is ridiculous. Stop using it.)

When it comes to buying power, you may have heard of some company called Apple.

Yeah, that’s us too. But according to the business industry “we don’t buy anything.”

4. Social media is not a joke.

Facebook almost bought Snapchat for 3 BILLION dollars.

But what do we know?

5. You complain we are friends with our parents.

So… We’re supposed to give our parents the middle finger and stick them in homes?

You were all so tired and stressed out from your work that instead of being around to parent, it was easier to give us a trophy and a new video game so we would shut up and play quietly in our rooms.

This extended to the classrooms because your generation gave the middle finger to education. Classrooms ballooned and let’s keep it real here, it’s easier to just stick a child on medication to shut up instead of letting us have recess. Don’t worry, we are well on our way to being as fat and as miserable as you guys are.

6. You say we are not old enough to know anything yet.

Gandhi started the civil rights movement in South Africa in 1893. He was 24.

And Malala Yousafzai? LOL that Millennial what does she know? Oh, you know, she’s only been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.

We’re as simple and as complicated as that, and we are who we are no matter how many business articles you post.

Leave the criticisms to us. It’s much easier to tolerate a Millennial discussing our weak points than listen to older people tell us why we are intolerable.

Plus every single article sounds like the old man standing out front screaming, “GET OFF MY LAWN.”