I’m Really Good in Bed

It was almost an afterthought.

I got into bed after a long day of school. (Although, come to think about it, are there really ever any short days at the Naval Academy?) The roommates and I exchanged our usual nighttime banter, and one by one, they dropped off to sleep. I laid there for a while, thinking about what normal teenagers usually think about. The stock market, the monthly jobs report, my credit card payment…kidding!

You didn’t think I was THAT big of a nerd, did you?

(On second thought, please don’t answer that. My ego is entirely too fragile as it is.)

I thought about how sore I was, the paper assigned a month ago that hadn’t yet been begun, Star Wars, how much I missed Taco Bell, the plans for the weekend — and then, it hit me. I had been single for a year! Confetti fell from the ceiling and little cherubs fell from the ceiling singing Bohemian Rhapsody and John Stamos appeared with a mylar balloon that said “Congrats!” It was incredible!

As believable as all of that sounded, nothing of the sort happened. The realization was simply accompanied with a weird combination of relief and longing. It felt so good to be single, yet I was soon overcome by a deep desire for some company. For someone (besides my mother) who I could call and complain about the fact that the dining hall had discontinued my favorite fro-yo, or to cry to about the fact that Downton Abbey was over (that was devastating, don’t you dare judge me).

I wanted someone to love me, regardless of my loud, rambling, singing, inappropriate, and hungry persona. I wanted a man to be my best guy friend, my confidant, and my person.

Then, it hit me. In that train of thought, I hadn’t once said a thing I could do for this future man of mine. I was desiring an object who would capitulate to my every whim, not a human being. It was a dream full of me, me, me and I, I, I. Typical Jackie.

I realized that could be the reason why I’d been on my own for quite some time. I was so focused on fulfilling my own needs and wants that I had neglected thinking about how I could better myself for a potential partner. Upon this realization, I said a little prayer asking God to make me a better woman, and for the patience to understand that I needed to wait for God’s timing.

I pushed my desire for a relationship to the back of my mind, and for the next few weeks, I made it my goal to improve. To smile more, to genuinely care for those around me, to try harder in school, to call my family more, and to attend Mass more. The weeks soon became a little easier, and my eyes opened to the wonderful people and family I had around me. I had spent so much time worrying about myself and my wants that I forgot to live and invest my love in the people around me. I even all but forgot about my desire for company of the male variety.

That is, until God decided it was time for His action.

He brought a fantastic man into my life, and I can only hope that it was because He believed I had finally matured enough to handle one.

I don’t know if this man will be my partner. I don’t know if he will ever be more than just a great friend and a gentleman of the highest order. The whole ordeal is a parade of “I don’t knows,” but I have found peace in the pure spontaneity of it all. I can’t wait to see where it leads.

There’s one thing I do know—my experience can be summed up in six words.

He came when I stopped looking.

So stop looking, and work on bettering yourself before you demand similar things of another person. Don’t be afraid to think and challenge your tenets to push yourself , even in the most incovenient of times or places in your life — hell, do it next time you’re laying down to go to sleep! You may even discover that you’re really good (at challenging your relationship status quo) in bed.

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