Jack LoftusinRejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of HumorHELLO AGAIN, DIPSHITS. IT’S AMAZON CEO JEFF BEZOS, KING OF THE SEA AND LORD OF THE HEAVENS ABOVE.A demigod returns with news for the heavens.Dec 7, 20151Dec 7, 20151
Jack LoftusinComedy CornerA Single 30-Year-Old’s Conscience Considers the Popcorn that Just Fell Onto the Area Rug In His…Go on, do it. Do it! There are no rules here, in this place.Dec 5, 2014Dec 5, 2014
Jack LoftusinRejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of HumorDOG PERFORMANCE REVIEWInspired by recent McSweeney’s submission, Cat Performance Review, by Kendra Eash.Nov 5, 2014Nov 5, 2014
Jack LoftusinRejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of HumorMy Intern RequestBrace yourself for the opportunity of a lifetime.Aug 21, 2014Aug 21, 2014
Jack LoftusinRejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of HumorLesser-Known Negotiation Strategies Inspired By The Kindly BrontosaurusLean in, you big terrible lizard.Apr 4, 2014Apr 4, 2014
Jack LoftusCongratulations On the Purchase of Your New Sony RealityVue Television!The first 5K HDTV with air holes poked in the top.Jan 28, 2014Jan 28, 2014
Jack LoftusinRejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of HumorExcerpts From Justin Bieber’s First Sermon On the MountJustin Bieber, the Canadian-born pop sensation, appears at the summit of Mount Zion in a cloud of smoke and pyrotechnics.Dec 17, 2013Dec 17, 2013
Jack LoftusinRejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of HumorWhy We Must Embrace The Night: An Existentialist Moment With a Bird from the iPhone Game Tiny WingsOne bird will fly no more.Dec 17, 2013Dec 17, 2013
Jack LoftusPapa John’s Founder John Schnatter Debriefs SEAL Team SixThe Federally Administered Tribal Areas of Northwest Pakistan prove too difficult a delivery address.Oct 11, 2013Oct 11, 2013