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Jack Loftus

Jack Loftus

Cartoon: Donald Trump Security Briefings

Aug 12, 2016

Cartoon: Donald Trump Security Briefings

Aug 12, 2016

Jack Loftus
in
Rejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of Humor

HELLO AGAIN, DIPSHITS. IT’S AMAZON CEO JEFF BEZOS, KING OF THE SEA AND LORD OF THE HEAVENS ABOVE.

A demigod returns with news for the heavens.

Dec 7, 2015

HELLO AGAIN, DIPSHITS. IT’S AMAZON CEO JEFF BEZOS, KING OF THE SEA AND LORD OF THE HEAVENS ABOVE.

Dec 7, 2015

Jack Loftus
in
Comedy Corner

A Single 30-Year-Old’s Conscience Considers the Popcorn that Just Fell Onto the Area Rug In His…

Go on, do it. Do it! There are no rules here, in this place.

Dec 5, 2014

A Single 30-Year-Old’s Conscience Considers the Popcorn that Just Fell Onto the Area Rug In His…

Dec 5, 2014

Jack Loftus
in
Rejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of Humor

DOG PERFORMANCE REVIEW

Inspired by recent McSweeney’s submission, Cat Performance Review, by Kendra Eash.

Nov 5, 2014

DOG PERFORMANCE REVIEW

Nov 5, 2014

Jack Loftus
in
Rejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of Humor

My Intern Request

Brace yourself for the opportunity of a lifetime.

Aug 21, 2014

My Intern Request

Aug 21, 2014

Jack Loftus
in
Rejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of Humor

Lesser-Known Negotiation Strategies Inspired By The Kindly Brontosaurus

Lean in, you big terrible lizard.

Apr 4, 2014

Lesser-Known Negotiation Strategies Inspired By The Kindly Brontosaurus

Apr 4, 2014

Jack Loftus

Congratulations On the Purchase of Your New Sony RealityVue Television!

The first 5K HDTV with air holes poked in the top.

Jan 28, 2014

Congratulations On the Purchase of Your New Sony RealityVue Television!

Jan 28, 2014

Jack Loftus
in
Rejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of Humor

Excerpts From Justin Bieber’s First Sermon On the Mount

Justin Bieber, the Canadian-born pop sensation, appears at the summit of Mount Zion in a cloud of smoke and pyrotechnics.

Dec 17, 2013

Dec 17, 2013

Jack Loftus
in
Rejected by McSweeney’s, and Other Failed Acts of Humor

Why We Must Embrace The Night: An Existentialist Moment With a Bird from the iPhone Game Tiny Wings

One bird will fly no more.

Dec 17, 2013

Why We Must Embrace The Night: An Existentialist Moment With a Bird from the iPhone Game Tiny Wings

Dec 17, 2013

Jack Loftus

Papa John’s Founder John Schnatter Debriefs SEAL Team Six

The Federally Administered Tribal Areas of Northwest Pakistan prove too difficult a delivery address.

Oct 11, 2013

Papa John’s Founder John Schnatter Debriefs SEAL Team Six

Oct 11, 2013

Jack Loftus

Jack Loftus

Senior copywriter. McSweeney's contributor. Former Gizmodo, GamePro, Everest Poker guy. Ever the cynical optimist.

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