No Signal
Why is having no phone signal both peaceful and anxiety inducing?
I’m parked up next to Lake Lyndon. There are no other people around and the fog is so thick it looks like the scene from a horror film. I’m sat here in my campervan listening to a podcast which I had downloaded earlier. I’m struggling to keep my attention on the words being said as my mind is running. I’m anxious about my lack of phone signal.
I have near zero signal. Occasionally it finds one bar of 3G, but it’s not strong enough to connect to the internet or social media, and the signal quickly drops again. I’m disconnected from the world, which should be peaceful, and it is, but it’s also worrying.
In this ever-increasingly connected world, it’s hard to imagine spending a day without internet. Without messaging a friend or family member. Unable to stream a movie, or an album. Without checking emails.
Unable to doom scroll social media.
It should be peaceful. I should be relaxed. Finally, I’m able to disconnect from the stress and anxiety of my brain constantly having it’s attention grabbed and skull-fucked into submission.
So why am I not relaxed?
Because I feel disconnected. Fear of missing out. I won’t be completely up to date with everything that’s going on in the world right this very second. What are my friends doing? What movie is coming out this week? What celebrity couple has broken up? Which politician has had a scandal? WHAT YEAR IS IT?!
That’s when I realise that it doesn’t matter.
It truly does not matter what is going on in the world right now. I don’t need to be constantly updated with news, and my what my friends are having for dinner.
I’m parked up next to a lake. It’s covered in mist. It’s slightly colder than it has been the past week, so I have the wood stove going to warm up.
I can relax. I can listen to my podcast.
I can disconnect…
Waking up and the mist has cleared. There’s still no one else around.
I spend the day tinkering with the electrics in the van. I fly my drone around and then go for a long walk around the lake. Only a dozen people stop by the lake throughout the day, so it remains incredibly peaceful.
The next day I have to move on in the morning as a friend back in Scotland is due to call me, and for that I will obviously require phone signal. I begin driving towards Christchurch, the second largest city in New Zealand, and within maybe ten to fifteeen minutes I have full signal again. A flood of notifications come through in an instant. I am no longer disconnected.
I have been driving around Aotearoa in my campervan for over a month, culminating in an incredible weekend full of live music, a beer festival, and spending time with some of my closest friends. Yet, as my trip is coming to an end, I come to realise that one of my favourite parts of the whole trip was easily those two days next to the lake. The incredible views and the serenity of being removed from the busyness of life.
Ironically, I’m planning to move back into marketing and communications, so I will be more connected to social media than I have ever been before. However, I see this trip as an important lesson for my mental health. A reminder that when life becomes overbearing, I will need to take regular breaks from the internet and learn to disconnect.
