A passing thought
There’s one thing I cant stop fretting over; complexity. It’s a fucking nightmare.
There are people out there living their lives aware of how complex things are, and there are people who aren’t. Of course, its a process, like anything. But you have to want to see, you have to fight for it. Who wouldn’t want to know how rich life is? How vivid every detail can be.
The thing frustrating me right now is ‘common sense’. As things are piling up I’m starting to feel things I’ve never felt before, things that I cannot quite understand yet myself. And I guess it means people have noticed I’m doing weird shit every now and then. I only wish they could realize that not everything is as it seems. In the mind, 2 + 2 does not have to equal 4, It can be what ever you need it to be. But when other people are judging you, they see 2 and 2 and they assume 4 because that’s what makes sense to them. “You are behaving this way therefore this is whats happening, It’s common sense”
But what about uncommon sense? The kind of sense so rare and complex that its easier for people to ignore and forget. It feels daunting to be stuck in that place, where things do make sense but only to you. Why is it that people are so convinced they know whats going on with you even when you tell them otherwise. Surely I am the ONLY one who truly knows whats happening to me and why.
If there is one thing I could wish for right now it’s trust. I want people to listen to me for once in my fucking life. I know what’s best for me, I know what I’m doing and I know my limits. I know people are only trying to help, and their hearts are in the right place. But with everything that’s going on right now, I cannot afford to be constantly convincing people I am ok. I just don’t have the time or the effort. And I don’t want to have to tell them why I’m like this right now, I want it all to be over before anyone notices.