Brownie — My Letter to Merriam Webster

Jack Moore
Aug 28, 2017 · 4 min read

Dear noble Merriam Webster keepers of knowledge,

I write to you with the gravest of issues.

I hope that this letter finds you in good fortune. I write to you in all dispatch as a troubling issue has come across my desk. I hasten to put words to paper, as I know that with each passing moment more of our most vulnerable are falling prey to crippling misinformation. Furthermore, I pray that my letter goes not unheard amongst the deluge of incoming correspondence about this issue, as I’m sure many have raised this same alarm.

You see, as I was sitting on my couch this evening, writing a piece about whether brownie batter poured into a waffle iron should be dubbed waffle or brownie, I came across this definition of yours:

brownie

noun brown·ie \ˈbrau̇-nē\

3 : a small square or rectangle of rich usually chocolate cake often containing nuts

Gasp! I’m sure you’ve caught it by now as well, but lest I risk you missing it, I will point out the issues with your statement.

We’ll commence with the lesser of the two glaring issues — the mention of “a small square or rectangle”. While I agree in principle that the quintessential brownie indeed often comes manifest in the form of a rectangle, I must ask — if I took a square brownie — say this image of Robert Brownie Jr.:

If we were to so slice my Brownie, Jr., in a triangular fashion, would we not still be left with a brownie? If I were to eat one of the corners of this confection, would I not still be left with a brownie, despite it being deprived of its rectangular shape? Let us speak not of the 2-bite brownie. Though misnamed, as it is most often eaten in a single bite (in my experience), these creations are commonly manifest as a conic section — a circle — of delicious brownie material.

This material is also not a cake. This brings me to my second, and more prominent issue with your definition. You define a cake, in part, thusly:

cake

noun \ˈkāk\

a : a breadlike food made from a dough or batter that is usually fried or baked in small flat shapes and is often unleavened

b : a sweet baked food made from a dough or thick batter usually containing flour and sugar and often shortening, eggs, and a raising agent (such as baking powder)

This definition is confusing, as you submit 2 contradictory definitions of cake, be it leavened or unleavened. In this context, however, it feels prudent to compare these 2 terms in their common english usage. In this context, the chocolate brownie and the chocolate cake seem reasonable vehicles in which to examine the key differences between these two substances. For instance, whereas a chocolate cake is often leavened with baking powder or soda, a chocolate brownie is not. Furthermore, a brownie is a far denser and more cocoa-full vehicle of deliciousness than cakes, which often feature much more flour in the quest for the quintessential fluffy texture emblematic of most cakes.

I submit that though a brownie is cake-like, it is far more similar to a cookie than a cake. This is further supported through the historical origin of the brownie, wherein they mention the story of Fanny Farmer, who “adapted her chocolate cookie recipe to a bar cookie baked in a rectangular pan.” Another apocryphal, though similarly telling, story of the brownie’s origin features a housewife in Bangor, Maine forgetting to add baking soda to her chocolate cake. Rather than admitting defeat, she served the flat, non-cake product to her guests. Alas, both stories drive home the inevitable conclusion that a brownie is not a cake. At best, it is cake-like.

It is understandable that in the infinite journey to catalog the complexities of human language, such items like these might slip through the cracks, so it is as a humble citizen that I refrain from absconding this definition. I write my plea not out of care for self, or to sell 16 pound packages of 2-bite brownies through my Amazon Affiliate account, but for the children. In a world where “hella” has infiltrated its way into the canon of colloquial human language, the dictionary is all that much more essential to developing a proper understanding of the english language.

Thank you for your consideration.


Photo by Sabri Tuzcu on Unsplash

My name is Jack Moore, and no, this was not easy to write while on a diet… but, if you liked this article, and you feel like more people would enjoy reading it, I’d love if you could please send a clap or two (or five? how many is a lot of claps?) my way.

)

Jack Moore

Written by

A product person looking to figure out all the ways software can improve peoples’ lives

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