Jack’s Rating: The Planets
My name is Jack Russillo and I’m a college freshman who just moved to the big city (Seattle) from a small town in the middle of nowhere. Every day I rate something on a scale of 1 to 100.
Alright kids, this is going to be the same drill as before with the months and the 50 states’ nicknames…
So here we go!
Mercury (37) — The closest planet to the sun. Well good for it! Too bad there’s no moons or atmosphere, and it’s really BLEEPING hot there.
Venus (41) — This planet shines the brightest and we can see it the best. While it appears to be bigger than Earth, it’s only because of the gases that are constantly surrounding the planet. It’s like interstellar makeup.
Earth (87) — Without this planet, you wouldn’t be reading this post. Earth sustains life, has a moon, and looks beautiful. What else could a planet ask for?
Mars (64) — MARTIANS ARE ATTACKING!!! Just kidding, Mars has no life. It’s a fairly desolate planet except for it’s astounding natural parks that make the Grand Canyon and Mount Everest look like structures made in the sand by a child. Really, it’s like the smaller, colder cousin to Earth.
Jupiter (73) — If Mars was the little cousin, then Jupiter is the huge, badass uncle. Jupiter is far and away the largest planet in our solar system, so it makes sense that it’s named after Zeus. Too bad we can’t check out it’s awesome red spot because of all the toxic gas and storms.
Saturn (68) — Name one other planet that has giant rings. And, like Jupiter, it’s very stormy so don’t book any travel plans until the weather clears up. Maybe you could check out Titan, the closest thing with an atmosphere like Earth’s.
Uranus (48) — HAHAHAHAHAHA! You said… Wait… I want to be more mature than that! Uranus is the first planet that can’t be seen without a telescope and, due to all the frozen gas, it looks like that pretty blue color we see. It even has a few rings, just like Saturn.
Neptune (59) — I feel like there should be at least some water here… Nope, just more and more gas. It simply looks spectacular, but it’s very, very far away. In fact, since we discovered it, it’s only completed one orbit around the sun. Damn… What a slacker!
And, for old times sake, I’ll even rate Pluto…
Pluto (27) — This “planet” could hardly make the cut. In fact, eventually, it didn’t make the cut anymore. We don’t know much about it and I’m sure it doesn’t look too amazing. The fact that it was a planet at one point and the mystery factor add a few points.
Comments, criticisms, your own rating, or any other topics you’d like me to rate? Tweet me @jackrussillo or follow me on Medium to get my daily posts.
