Clinton Creates Literal Tornado in Kentucky
Hillary Clinton today was seen on the roof of the Ames, Kentucky Hilton in her underwear chanting “Tornado! Come to me! Basta dasta lapasta!”. A mid sized tornado then appeared 50 miles away. It later hit the only polling station in the area.
As the tornado appeared to be heading towards an orphanage panic erupted across the area. To calm voters’ fears, Clinton yelled “Tornado turn! There shall be no Bern!”. The tornado then turned away saving the children of the orphanage.
Local residents have applauded Hillary’s heroic life saving act. Penny Garrison, a resident of Ames, Kentucky said:
“You know, this is why I support Hillary Clinton. She’s a strong woman. You do not see Bernie doing anything like this! This is a prime example of why we should elect this woman for President”.
The Attorney General later in the evening issued a statement warning the Clinton campaign to not continue to use these campaign strategies. The Clinton camp is saying that Hillary’s actions were “in the best interest of the people”. The Kentucky primary results will be announced tonight.
Jackson Dyehard is a freelance reporter who breaks stories before they hit the other major newspapers. If you wish to contact him you can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org