Why You Should Be Wary Of The Pursuit Of Happiness
My goal in life was “to be happy.”
“But what does that mean?”
“Being happy means to love, to laugh, to be free. To escape the rat race and the 9 to 5, to live intentionally, to value experience over possessions. It means to travel and be present and always stay true to myself.”
That’s how I would have answered in my 20’s. And I think I meant well. I was a pretty good kid. I got A’s in High School and College, never fathered any accidental children, and mostly stuck to over-the-counter drugs like alcohol.
But looking back now, I think there were 2 major problems with my Pursuit of Happiness:
- I idolized happiness like some people idolize retirement
- I used the Pursuit of Happiness as an excuse for shirking responsibilities and living in an adolescent fantasy world
I abused the Pursuit of Happiness. I used it to escape the real world whenever I was confronted with real problems. Here’s just a few examples of how I did that:
- I avoided having hard conversations with my friends because they made me stressed, not happy
- I avoided paying my debts and loans because travel and eating at restaurants made me happier
- I ducked out of serious relationships whenever they grew challenging
- I avoided confrontations with my employer, keeping my frustrations inside until I was boiling with resentment
I was like Simba in The Lion King when he meets Timon and Pumba. I was living man. Experiencing life. Good music and good food and long nights gazing at the stars. Carpe Diem and Hakuna Matata. Meanwhile back home… Mufasa had taken over Pride Rock, the land had gone barren, and the hyenas were circling around Mom and the rest of the family.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe that “Being Happy” and “Being Responsible” are mutually exclusive.
But happiness is a mood — an emotion — and no single emotion can be an appropriate response for ALL of life’s varied circumstances. This is why I get a little uneasy whenever I see an influential figure like Gary Vee proclaiming the message, “Happiness Over Everything.”
Maybe it’s a good approach for finding a career, but it’s a terrible “one-size-fits-all” approach for life. Because the truth is that sometimes people die; sometimes our loved ones get ripped from the world for no good reason. Sometimes good people have messy divorces and a sunny day gives you a third-degree sunburn. Sometimes your boss takes advantage of you, and when you don’t stick up for yourself, your boss takes advantage of you even more. Sometimes a global pandemic wreaks havoc on our world, and sometimes people who are hurting deep down inside lash out and hurt other people.
These are the situations when happiness fails us, when happiness is not enough, when happiness is simply not a viable option. If your number 1 goal is happiness, like mine was, then you’re not going to be reliable in these sorts of situations.
So what’s a better solution? What’s a better one-size-fits all approach to life.
The pursuit of responsibility.
Being responsible is how we make the world a better place for not only ourselves but everyone around us. This is what I didn’t understand. I was too buy running from my problems to face up to them.
Because being responsible means facing the world with my shoulders squared and my head held high. It means taking the blame, making good on my promises, and speaking the truth to the best of my ability.
Talk to me later about changing the world — that’s a task for the select few among us who REALLY have their lives in order. The first step for me is taking responsibility for myself, and that’s no small step.
Simba was happy in the jungle, laughing and burping and singing with his buddies. But The Lion King would have been a sorry-ass story if Simba had never heeded the call to take responsibility for himself, his friends, his world.
