How to be festive as shit:
Ashley Daigneault
725

Thank you for speaking my inner voice every time I open this catalog. However, I have to warn you, if you are getting Pottery Barn’s catalog at your house, brace yourself for the real deal when you find yourself browsing through the HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER (needed to paste that in, because it took me ten minutes searching ‘Hemmlecker Schlemlicker’ before I found it, and still can’t spell it without looking right at it) catalog at necessities like a 72" wreath for $430 (http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Default.aspx?sku=12000&promo=Holiday-Outdoor-Decorations&catid=268) or one of five must-have submarines including this two man Killer Whale submersible http://www.hammacher.com/Product/11990?promo=search for $90,000 or their ‘underwater sportscar’ for $2,000,000. Don’t ask me how many times I’ve had to reassure my bank that it was OK to authorize a $2,000,000 catalog charge to my credit card!

“Wait — did I mention that the underwater sportscar was a convertible?”

“Are you mad, Q?”

“Don’t worry, Bond, it includes two scuba tanks.”

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