Day — 14 Append

So what I’ve recently been doing is posting at the beginning of the day the thoughts, struggles, etc. from the previous day and where I found myself to be after some reflection after a good (HA!) night sleep.

I started doing this for a few reasons:

1. In the evening I have to do the following things: travel home (~ 40 minutes), make dinner for my family (~45 minutes), spend time with my son before his bed (~20 minutes), spend time with my wife (~30 minutes)
2. Read for the next day (~hour and a half)
3. Review some of the daily activity (~half hour plus)

Basically by the time I’m done reading I may get to do some daily review and at that point I’m pretty spent. I’m up every day before 6:30 to start breakfast for a crazy toddler so I need to pass out “early”.

Thus back to the my point, writing a meaningful blog post at the end of the day: not happening.

The reason for today’s post is simple. Over this week I’ve felt like I made a terrible, no good, very bad, incredibly horrendous decision. The first week I got it. The second week I mostly got. This week…nope. I remember being peeved about not getting something in the first week. I could not for the life of me get a single bit of code in CSS on the HTML side. It was super frustrating. This…is way beyond that frustration. I just did not comprehend it. I’ve had to go back and go okay I get:

Arrays, Objects, Form Building, grabbing items in DOM, etc.

Where I get stuck is nested loops, calling on the functions, multi-dimensional arrays, and at it’s base core: building out what needs to be done.

To say I’ve been ready to thrown in the towel is an understatement. I think Wednesday I nearly cried over it all.

My opinion has changed a bit and thus the append for the day. Today we had a guest speaker come in and talk about “imposter syndrome” and how she felt that she was never going to get it, never finish, and certainly never get a job. That clicked with me.

For starters to have that feeling of not being alone in it really hit home. Validated that I was struggling and not alone in that thinking. She also gave a great piece of advice; turn the apprehension and anxiety into excitement. Don’t get it? Okay, say you don’t get it! Talk about why you don’t get it and spin it in a way of WANTING to get it so you are better.

That may seem small but it got me. It’s the difference between having $5 and wanting it to be $5,000,000 and being sad or being happy because you can invest that $5 and maybe one day end up at $5,000,000.

For anyone that ever reads these ramblings down the road. This is the point where I re-committed and approached it with a vigor of “I don’t get it but show me how so I can be better”.