The Self-Inflicted Curse

Photo by Mink Mingle

For most, if not all, of my life I’ve struggled to finish projects. There are times in my creative life where my mind will suddenly whisk me away from my current project to another seemingly ‘better’ idea. The original idea will then become abandoned, wither and die, never to be seen again.

At first it doesn’t seem like a bad idea, but after years of training my mind in this haphazard way I’ve created an ugly habit.

I’ve grown accustomed to giving up.

Somewhere, in the deepest reaches of my mind I’ve wired myself to feel that it’s ‘okay’ to give up. This has led to many underdeveloped ideas, half-thoughts and ultimately a lazy mind. I’ve single handedly stunted my creative growth.

A major part of evolving as a creative is seeing growth through completed projects. But if there isn’t anything to look back on it’s near to impossible to gauge growth.

I’ve reached the point where when I tell my friends about a new project, they look at me with skepticism in their eyes. I know they don’t believe that I’ll actually follow through with it. It’s sad to say but they’re probably right.

It’s a self-inflicted curse.

Now every time I sit down to write a blog post I have to hammer it out then and there. Never mind the already daunting task of writing a coherent idea in the first place. I have to battle my wandering mind and focus.

There are times when I’ll try to escape myself by gallivanting across the Internet. Sometimes I literally have to turn everything off just so I can finish the idea. Even now, I’ve pulled myself away from everything on three separate occasions just to finish this post.

For years now I’ve watched all of my friends and idols grow beyond themselves. I’ve seen them fight through their failures and bask in their successes. I’ve often wondered why I haven’t seen that growth in myself, only to realize that they’ve succeeded where I haven’t. They’ve stuck with their projects, finished their ideas and have sharpened their skills. A failure that’s been staring me in the face for years.

But now that I’ve come to this realization, I have the power to push through ideas with purpose, rather than give up at the first sign of resistance.


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