Pizza Hut’s Big Kale Secret…

My Third And Fourth Lesson From 2013

3. Kale Isn’t That Special

The largest consumer of kale before the 2013 craze was Pizza Hut. Yes, the crust-stuffed so-greasy-you-really-should-wipe-it-down-with-windex pizza company was the largest consumer of this magical superfood before we all went nanners for it. The thing is, Pizza Hut used it as decoration for their salad bars. They didn’t even feed it to people.

This year I made the effort to eat more greens each day. Knowing that there’s not much nutrition to iceberg lettuce, I preferred stuff like spinach, broccoli, and kale.

To me, chewing kale is like chewing a cow’s cud. But they say it’s healthy for you. And there’s one place I’ve ever eaten it where I actually enjoy it, my favorite hippie restaurant in Portland. It’s called Prasad. It shares a space with a yoga studio. Yes, the employees have tattoos of lamps and piercings. And they had a delicious kale bowl with this wicked yummy mango salsa stuff. It’s awesome, but I still felt like a cow eating it.

Then I heard some guy on some podcast explain why kale is so terrible for your kidneys. It was the “Bulletproof Diet” guy who also recommends starting your morning with a tablespoon of butter in your coffee — no thanks. Something about normal kale has really high levels of something that wears down your kidneys. He said you can get around this if you eat Dinosaur Kale and steam it first. This is too much work and I’ve never found dinosaur kale at any Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, New Seasons — all the hippie grocery stores. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing how silly and disconnected my thinking is with this which leads me to my next point.

4. My Mindset Has A Bigger Impact On Health Than My Diet Or Exercise

After the “kale isn’t that special” light bulb went off, I decided to cast aside any dieting trends or fads for the rest of my life — or at least for now. My thinking and emotions have a bigger impact on the quality of my life than anything else — including fitness and diet. If I’m happy, grateful, having fun, and doing what I want to do I am naturally drawn to put things in my body that maintain that juicy goodness. Somedays that’s the kale bowl. Somedays that’s a bright blue donut. Either way, it’s OK. I am not an athlete or bodybuilder. Crossfit has never appealed to me. And spending hours in a gym each day is not my idea of fun anymore. Although it’s nice to know there are people who do love that. Good for them. I’m sticking to snowboarding, surfing, and enjoyable walks.

So screw the experts. The heck with the crossfit and the kale shakes — all they’ll do is ruin my kidney’s.