86 Days Away: I’m Afraid We Made the Wrong Decision…
When fear hits hard
This is a daily documentation of my adventure from Hillsboro, Oregon to Cape Town, South Africa on September 16th, 2017.
Day 15 arrives with sad thoughts
Last night, my girlfriend, Jess, was in a bad spot; she’s afraid she won’t get any clients and that her one client doesn’t like her — she’s having dreams about this — and that maybe she made the wrong call and maybe she won’t feel better in South Africa.
Times like these remind me why I to spend the rest of my life with Jess.
I’m with Jess because she feels more than anyone I’ll ever know.
It’s indescribable how connected she is to the world around her. A person or a place can literally set her mood. That’s why we need to leave America. That’s why South Africa is so powerful.
South Africa is where she is happiest.
Fear of failure is completely rational. But she has to embrace that fear if she wants to get anywhere with her business; anything worth having is on the other side of the unknown, the impostor syndrome, the failure.
It’s okay to have doubts, but we can’t let them control us. It becomes a downward spiral of “I’m not good enough” to “I should’ve never tried” to “Why bother,” ending at “I guess I’m comfortable at my 9 to 5.”
F*ck that noise!
I use those doubts as meditation. For instance, I have a fear of not making a living as a writer. I take that fear, acknowledge that it is present in my life, and then I take it out of my mind. It isn’t a good thing to dwell on, plus putting those fears away keeps me from becoming paralyzed with regret and indecision. My only priority is moving forward, getting better at writing, and eventually reaching our dream.
If you’re going to bet on anything, don’t bet on fear — bet on yourself dammit!
Life isn’t linear. It’s like weight loss; there are constant spikes, tiny hills in-between the progress. We’ve been on a roll recently: Jess’ business is now registered with a kick-ass website and everything, and if you think I’m going to stop writing, you should be the one that’s afraid.
We are still going to South Africa. We are still going to spend three months there, honing our crafts and making it in this crazy world. We will take our obstacles and crush the sh*t out of them, because we’re stronger than our fears.
Through the ups and downs, we will finally reach our destination. (It has a beach and everything!)
“What you are afraid to do is a clear indication of the next thing you need to do.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
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