The Loud Roommate: A Beginners Guide to Shutting Them Up

How do you shut them up?

It’s a good question, and i’d like to know myself. Being a very honest person, I like to call it when I see it (or hear it in this case) but it’s a different story now. I live with them. If I called my roommate out on his constant whistling, disgusting noises, the volume of his music, lack of door shutting, or the amount he uses my belongings, I would no longer be living in residence. I would be thrown out, because once I start a rant, I finish it. And I don’t hold back. Here’s what I have done so far to keep myself calm.

1. Anything You Can Do I Can Do Louder

Anything you can do I can do louder. I can do anything louder than you. Their music too loud? Blast yours. You can’t stand the sound of their singing? Sing louder (and to a horrible song). Their toilet moaning getting a little too disgusting? Throw on some Beyonce and enjoy the sounds that don’t make you want to cry.

2. Avoid Confrontation, and Shush Them

Yes, this is a classic. It’s my preference to tackle my roommate’s whistling. You’re not annoying, you don’t have to speak, and they usually get the idea- for the time being. It works, but it’s temporary.

3. Get Someone Else to Do It

Not going to lie, I am a massive baby. If my webcam were to be hacked, you’d find be sucking on a pacifier, crying, because I don’t know how to speak. Or in this case speak up. Luckily, I live in residence, and we have quiet hours. Ah, the joy. If my roommate is being loud, I toss a message over to my RA via text message, or Facebook, and voila. Quiet roommate, guilt on their behalf, and satisfaction on yours.

Alternatively, you could invite a friend over, that doesn’t care about your roommate, and get them to ream them out. Your choice. Work with what you got.

4. Avoid Confrontation, and Text Them

Very similar to the shushing method, send a nice text their way. Don’t be mean- be cool. You want to be that roommate who is okay with everything they do. Even though you aren’t. I’ve done it, but I got scared, and went to sleep out of anxiety- only to wake up to an apology. It was great. Still avoided confrontation, and pretended everything was normal the next day. But an elephant never forgets. And I am an elephant.

5. Headphones

When all else fails, get a pair of noise cancelling headphones, or anything that can drown out your annoying roommates concoction of noises.